“Then (Job’s friends) sat on the ground with Job seven days and seven nights.  No one said a word to him because they saw how much he was suffering.” 

Job 2:13

When I was reading the book of Job, this verse jumped off the page to me.  This is the greatest gift of grief – to sit with someone in their grief and say no words.  Just to be present and not need to speak, what a wonderful gift to have a friend like this.  Unfortunately, Job’s friends thought this was not enough and the book of Job is filled with their words, none of which were helpful to Job in his grief and suffering.

Words are spoken at the time of death and loss which are meant to bring comfort but only bring hurt and questions.  I have a list of words not to say at a funeral or to a person who is grieving like –

“I know how you feel.”  “It’s for the best.”  “He’s at peace now.”  “She’s in a better place.”  “It’s a blessing.”  “Keep a stiff upper lip.”  “Stay strong, you will get through this.”  “You’ll get over this in no time.”  “You will be fine in a few months.”  “It happened to me, and I made it fine.”

Oh, there are so much more I could write, and you have heard these and so much more.  Words hurt when you are hurting.  Some words bring no comfort only guilt and fear, and you interpret the words as if there is something wrong with you.  There are no words that take away the hurt and sadness of loss, but the words, “I’m sorry for your loss” recognizes the grief and hurt.

Being present, giving a hug if appropriate and sharing a memory are gifts that can be received in our grief. 

I have found the Word of God has spoken more to me during my grief than words of others.  God has spoken to me in my loneliness and hurt and given me the assurance that I am not alone.  I have found comfort in God’s Word. 

“Thy word is a lamp unto my path, and a light unto my feet.”  Psalm 119:105 

God has given me light for the next step, just enough to take one step at a time and next focus too far into the darkness of the future.