Descriptions of Grief
Grief is the sorrow we experience at a loss in our lives. Each loss changes us and defines how we view life. Grief is individual but it also has similarities in description.
Grief is like living in two worlds. We live within our hearts with the sorrow, pain and hurt that comes from our loss. Many times we keep all the grief inside and walled off from the world. The pain is so intense that we become afraid to share it for fear we will not be able to get it under control again. Our grief is not evident to those around us because we function “normally”, go to work and develop a routine to the outside world. It is only behind closed doors that we cry and allow the pain and hurt of our grief to seep from deep within us. The other world we live in is the world of the present as we try to live moment by moment, one step at a time in this unfamiliar world without our loved one.
Grief is also described as living with a hole in your heart. Because we have loved deeply, we will grieve deeply. When we experience the loss of someone dear to us, our hearts ache and it feels as if part of our own heart has been ripped away. It leaves a “hole” in our heart and in our lives. Nobody can fill it and so we just learn to live with the hole. Oh, we may try to fill it with stuff, activities, other people, food, addictions and more, but nothing will fill the hole completely. Our hearts can become quite “holey” when we love deeply many people and then they are gone from our sight.
Grief may also be described as living in the snow globe. When I walk into a store where snow globes are sold, the first thing I do is pick one up and shake it. I watch the snow flutter in the water of the globe. In grief, we feel all shook up, but not in a good way. It may feel at first like we are never settled and always anxious, tearful with thoughts swirling around in our head. Moments of intense grief and sorrow may hit at any time and life is so unsettled and chaotic. Everything feels overwhelming and nothing feels right, looks right and you just feel like you are in a dream with no clarity. After some time, there is a sense of a settling down for a moment and our emotions seem to stabilize. Then something triggers our emotions and we feel all shook up again. In grief this continues, but we begin to recognize that being shook up will last for a period of time with the hope of calmness between the intensity of emotions.
Grief is also described as living in a cloud. Nothing is clear. Decisions are too difficult to make because our brain is in turmoil and processing seems too difficult. Even what used to be a simple decision, now takes days to process and sometimes decisions are placed on hold. The cloud lingers and may lift from time to time only to return and bring a darkness around us. We assume everyone sees the cloud but it is only evident to the one grieving.
Grief is a movement from existence to hope. At the initial loss and shock of the loss, we just go through the motions of existing. We breathe, sometimes sleep or sleep all the time, eat everything or just enough to exist. We make it through the day and fall into bed at night exhausted. And then the morning comes again and we pull ourselves out of bed most days, just to make it through and do it all over again. It does not seem possible that life is still moving forward because we feel like life is standing still. It seems impossible to live without our loved one. Then one day, we see a glimmer of light and feel a flash of hope, but then it is gone. Still we begin to have a hope of a hope that life could go on. We could possibly live not just exist.
Grief can be been described in many different ways. Your grief is your grief.
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4 (NIV)
