“Time heals all wounds” is a saying usually associated with grief.  My view is that time brings healing to the constant intensity of grief, but the wound of loss always remains.  Grief is a part of your life when you lose a loved one.

Grief is the price of love.  It is not about time as much as it is about love.  Grief has no time table.  You will grieve in some way the rest of your life and always wish your loved one was with you and the situation was different.

Society views grief in a time frame usually associated with one year and experiencing all the “firsts” without a loved one.  A measurement is placed on the time frame of grief and the belief that once you have experienced an event without a loved one, you can move on.  This is false and does not allow people to grieve in their own time frame.

This view also does not recognize that in most “firsts” you are in survival mode or still numb to your loss.  Many times it is in the second year that reality hits and the grief is more intense.  You realize this is how life will be from now on without your loved one.

In your grief, recognize the events and times of day that are more difficult and emotionally draining.  For some in their grief, it takes so much effort to pull yourself out of bed in the morning and face another day without your loved one.  For others, evenings are more intense wanting to go to bed and then having difficulty falling asleep.  Certain events and places may be too traumatic in grief and you need to give yourself time to experience them again.  Give yourself permission to grieve and to be sad and face situations gradually.  Use some self talk like – “I feel sad right now.  Tomorrow or later today will be better.”

The calendar moves on and we are faced again with anniversary dates, birthdays and holidays.  Try to be present in moments.  Know that certain dates and times of year will be more emotional and trigger intense moments of grief.  Accept that it may happen each year.  Find moments to celebrate the life of your loved one and allow yourself to be sad and cry because you miss them.

How do you deal with low and sad days and moments?  First, accept the feelings and allow yourself to cry and feel the loss.  Stay in the sadness long enough to release some of the emotions.  Then, find a good memory with your loved one when your loved one was healthy and happy.  Go there in these moments.  It is not living in the past but the good memory reminds you that your loved one lived and you shared loved together.  There were good times not just sad times like now.