Are You Feeling A Little Stressed?

“I’m stressed.” “Life is so stressful.” You have probably said or heard these statements this week. Stress is a normal reaction to everyday challenges and pressures. Stress is a natural expression, but it can cause physical and mental tension. Your body reacts to the external situations that are adverse and demanding around you. Stress becomes unhealthy when it interferes with day-to-day functioning and everything becomes stressful to you.

There are several causes of stress. One is an excessive expectation of yourself. You demand more from yourself than is possible to give. You pile on more tasks and responsibilities than are feasible to accomplish. Another cause is the excessive expectations placed upon you from others whether perceived or real. You attempt to meet the needs of others that you believe are required. Sometimes you add stress to your own life by taking on the role of “the lone ranger.” You feel you need to do everything yourself, and it begins to pile up and your strength and stamina are depleted. You beat yourself up because you should be able to handle it all and you cannot do it. You look at life through the lens of stress.

So how do you deal with stress and lower your stress level? First, stop naming everything “stressful.” You are causing your own stress. Eliminate the word “stress” from your vocabulary. That does not make stress go away, but it lowers your anxiety and worry about all the tasks and pressures around you. The word alone heightens your senses and places you in an intense emotional turmoil. Next, recognize it is not stress, it is just your life. “It is what it is” becomes your motto. You are not responsible for everything and everyone in life. Remember, break down each task and challenge in smaller pieces. One thing at a time.

Stress sees everything that needs to be done at the same time. Change your focus and ask for help when you need it. Slow yourself down. Take a breath and pray for discernment on what needs to be done next. Set priorities and allow others to share the load. Asking for help does not make you look incompetent. It means you recognize your skill set and some of what you are stressing over does not fit into your gifts and abilities. Find others who have the gift and talent to assist you.

Rest is essential if you are feeling stressed. You have allowed external situations to control your internal thoughts and feelings. You have caused turmoil within you, and you have packaged all of it in the box of stress. Break the box. Do not let stress control your life. Slow down your thoughts. You do not need to solve every life situation immediately or completely. Learn to accept that life has challenges and challenging people. It is just life. Focus on one situation at a time. One moment at a time. Some issues in life are not solvable but are just the way it is. You learn to accept the brokenness of life.

Life has stressful situations. It is not absorbing everything as your issue to solve. Pray and discern your responsibility and learn to let go. Repeat after me, “It is what it is.”

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different

Will You Be My Friend?

Relationships are wonderful, exhausting, fulfilling, confusing, but needed. Yes, relationships are filled with every feeling and emotion. You desire close friendships with whom you can share and enjoy life together, but sometimes you feel like you are doing all the work in maintaining the relationship. You are the one who always reaches out, makes the plans, and schedules the time together. The other person just shows up or frequently cancels at the last minute. It always seems you are not a priority, and when the person receives a better offer, you are dumped.

Some friendships are for a season. You were friends in elementary school, but now in high school your friendship circle changes. You were friends in college, but now you each have gone in different directions. You were friends cheering together as your children played on the same sports team, but your children no longer play sports. The friendships were based on the situation, but now that season of life is complete as well as the relationship. It is giving thanks for those friendships that were important at the time and releasing them and yourself to the next chapter of life.

Friendships are essential in life. People to share life with through adventures and activities. Friendship fills the heart with love and chases away loneliness. Friendships are developed through mutual interests, shared activities, and common beliefs. They grow through trust and being your genuine and authentic self. You spend time together, care and support one another, you listen and encourage each other, and life is better because of your friendship. This is the goal of friendship.

Friendships can be messy, hard, hurtful, and a struggle to develop and keep. The hurt comes when it is one sided and you get dumped on but receive no support when you are in need. The hurt grows when there is no balance or mutual respect or when you expect a person to always be available to you, but you are not a priority. It is hard when a misunderstanding has occurred, and one person does not want to talk through the issue and resolve it with kindness and forgiveness. Feelings get hurt and one person steps away and never returns to resolve the disagreement. Oh, the struggle to maintain and enjoy friendships.

The reality is that friends disappoint and mess up. One of the keys to maintaining friendships is to forgive. Talk it out. Let it go and move on. Sometimes you need to agree to disagree.

How do you develop friendships as adults? It usually happens in the activities and groups where you are connected. It is being open and talking with those around you. It is being interested in others and also willing to share yourself. It is taking a risk and reaching out. You will not connect with everyone and that is fine but keep trying and expanding your range. Friendships ease the loneliness and sadness when they are healthy and balanced. Enjoy time with others and treasure time alone to reset and refresh your inner spirit.

Be a friend. Be kind. Trust. Set healthy boundaries. Love. Forgive. Listen. Take risks out of your comfort zone to confront your loneliness.

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different

Are You Proactive or Reactive?

Something happens and you react. Someone makes you mad, and you quickly respond to them with words that you now regret. You reacted in anger without thinking. Someone pulled out in front of you on the highway and your blood pressure goes up and you say some not so pleasant words. You allowed another person’s actions to control your emotions. You reacted in haste.

To react is to usually respond negatively to something that triggered an emotion. You felt attacked and you became defensive. It may even cause you to panic or raise your level of anxiety. It may affect you physically causing a heaviness on your chest, nausea in your stomach, or difficulty breathing. Your body reacts to the emotional triggers. Your thoughts then go down the negative path that all of life is terrible and everyone is against you. This is your default reaction.

When you are reactive in life situations without thought or plan, you are always in a heightened state of fear, panic, or anxiety. You are just waiting for the next thing to go wrong or for someone to do something that will hurt you. When something happens around you, you take it personally, and you react negatively. Everything is going wrong, and you feel all of life is frustrating and overwhelming. Your reaction is filled with doom and gloom.

How about being proactive with your emotions and thoughts? It is creating a consistent way of dealing with life and the situations that will invariably occur instead of just responding and reacting in the moment without thinking. A simple plan is to learn to step back in each situation. Pause in your head. Slow down and put thought into the situation and in your words. Take a deep breath. Pray. Assess if you actually need to respond. Would a response make the situation better or worse? Does it really matter if you respond? For instance, when someone pulls out in front of you, slow down and pray for them and what is going on in their life. Does it matter if you are three seconds later? You will be healthier and not take your anger out on the next person.

When you are proactive, you stop yourself from saying words that do not reflect who you really are. You carelessly speak in anger or become defensive when you are reactive. In being proactive, you are prepared to say to someone who irritated you or triggered emotions, “Let me think about what you said, and I will get back with you.” You give yourself time and permission to reflect and not react.

Proactive is also reminding yourself you do not need to control each situation or person. You are only in control of your own emotions and responses. It is also being kind. It is responding on social media in kindness. Think before you type a response. You do not need to share your opinion on everything. Sometimes not saying anything is your best response. What if you were proactive in your social media and decided to post only encouraging and kind words? Be kind. It is the best proactive response.

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different

Dealing With Your Past

Everyone has a past. It is filled with memories, experiences, relationships, and challenges. Some of you had traumas, tragedies, and struggles that have left a mark on your life. It is not being defined by these negative events, but it is learning from these experiences and allowing them to be part of your foundation. It is bringing good out of the heartaches.

When the past is still in control of your thoughts, behaviors, and how you react to situations you cannot live fully in the present. Your view of life will be negative, and you will assume bad things will always happen to you. Your perspective is always the worst-case scenario. You go to this place in your thoughts in every situation which increases your anxiety and fear.

When you have experienced a trauma in your life, certain events may trigger memories of the trauma. You may have attempted to escape from these thoughts or pushed the emotions deep down inside of you. The goal is to bring healing and release the negative control of the past. It is not denying it happened but defusing the triggers and the control.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and traumas take time to process through and bring healing and hope. It is helpful to work through these experiences with a trained professional counselor. You can develop some helpful tools to begin processing through your own past. It is learning to replace the negative thoughts with a good memory. For example, if you have lost a loved one, it is focusing not on how they died, but on how they lived. When you remember the events surrounding the death and focus on the loss and hurt, you stay in the pain of the past. While you will always miss them, it is replacing the death thoughts with happy memories and the difference they made in your life. Their love and legacy continue with you in the present and future.

The past does not need to control you. Everyone makes mistakes. You may have guilt and shame because of the choices and decisions you made in your past. Learn to forgive yourself. You are not the same person. You are forgiven and do not need to keep living in the choices you made. Learn from the mistakes and challenges, and try not repeat them. It is also forgiving those who caused the trauma, hurt, and pain of your past. Forgiving them does not make what they did right, but it releases their control over your past and present life.

The past is not all traumas and struggles and pain. The past has good memories and experiences. You remember the relationships and hopefully they bring a smile to your heart. The past is your foundation that has given you your values, morals, and faith. It is allowing the past to be your groundwork into the present.

The past is behind you. It helped you become who you are today. Do not allow the negatives of the past to keep you buried in the struggles. Release the past. It is complete. The good is within you. The love and relationships remain in your heart.

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different

Feeling Discombobulated In Life?

Life sometimes bugs you. People agitate you and you just want to slap them but know it is not the right thing to do, and it would probably cause more trouble. What does it mean to be agitated? The dictionary gives several meanings - flustered, ruffled, perturbed, disturbed, unsettled, bothered, troubled, jittery, and beside oneself. But the one word that jumped off the page was “discombobulated.” Not a word used in daily conversation, but a word that describes the confusion and agitation that comes in many situations.

Discombobulated is a unique word to spell and pronounce. It represents how unique and difficult this journey can be when life does not go as planned. Even as you begin to live in the motto “it is what it is,” new situations occur that trouble you. You feel unsettled as you attempt to figure out this next thing in life. You try to make sense and reason out of things that do not make sense.

When you are discombobulated, you are confused and troubled. You know life will never be the same. The unsettling is more within you. Your soul begins to feel the depth of change, and you long for peace to reside deep within. You are unsure who you are and who you are becoming. You may not even recognize yourself in the mirror or how you are currently existing. Your head knows there is more to life than just existing, but your heart struggles with letting go and releasing the past. You become irritated at others who have the life you desire, but it seems impossible to smooth out this rough patch of life.

You get perturbed and have had to accept some things that will never change in life. Some people in your life will always be the way they are. They irritate you but you still love them. You cannot change other people, and they deal with life in a totally different way than you do. Because your lives intersect, they cause some deep emotional disturbances in you. It is releasing their control over your feelings. People are who they are, and it is not your responsibility to fix them or get them to fit into the boundaries of the life you have set.

This unsettledness seeks calmness and peace. It is changing your focus from the pain and negativity and finding something to be thankful and grateful for and settle your soul. You cannot change your past, but you can accept it happened and release yourself to live in the present. Turn yourself around. Stop focusing on the past. Be grateful for the memories and the foundation. It is grounding yourself in your foundation to give you a footing into the present.

It is accepting it is OK to be who you are and that you are not responsible for everyone’s life. You do not need to be perfect or meet the expectations of others. You begin to settle when you forgive yourself, let go of unrealistic assumptions, and actually live your own life not how society or others want you to live. Let go of being discomboluated and live in the freedom of life.

(You can also read my weekly blogs on my website – www.livinginthedifferent.com)

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different

Dealing With the Blues, Blahs, Doldrums

Have you felt a little under the weather lately? Not your perky self? Maybe you have had a cough, cold or the flu this season and have not been able to shake the fatigue and feelings from the illness. Or you have experienced some changes in your life and are not sure how to process through them. You are just feeling a little down and overwhelmed.

You may not be depressed, but you have some of those nagging feelings. You are tired and fatigued when you get up in the morning even though you are getting enough sleep. Your body is reacting to the emotions and feelings within it causing an overall blah feeling. Your body and mind are not slowing down enough to relax and enjoy the physical rest. You may feel like nothing will ever change, and you do not see a way out of your current situation. This is a sign of hopelessness that can pervade all of life. You lack the energy and motivation to make the necessary changes and feel like everyone and everything irritates you. It seems easier to withdraw from life right now.

I get it. Life feels overwhelming. You have piled everything on top of each other like a sink full of dirty dishes, and it is easier to walk by them than to plunge into them. You just don’t know where to start. You see what you need to do and you want to do it, but you just do not know where to start. First step. Separate situations and feelings from each other. When you lump everything together, that’s where the overwhelming feelings begin. Allow each situation in your life to stand alone.

Do not connect what you forgot to do with what you are doing next and then get irritated at someone else. They had nothing to do with what you forgot. When you keep adding up everything that goes wrong each day and keep carrying it, you make yourself tired, irritated, and overwhelmed with all that needs to be done right. Allow each situation and the feelings that go with it to be completed within the situation. Do not take your frustration out on someone else. Take a moment with each event, conversation, situation, or emotion and complete it. It is that self-talk/God talk that is essential – “Well, that happened. Can’t change it. I learned from it. I can release it. Move on.”

Within tasks that seem overwhelming to complete, it is focusing on the “one and done” concept. Focus your mind and thoughts on completing one task. Break it down into small portions and complete one portion at a time. “One and done.” When you see an achievement, it can motivate you to complete the next step.

Depression sees everything that needs to be done but does not have the energy to do anything. When you see everything at once, it is impossible to do anything. That is what creates the overwhelming feelings. So, focus on one small task, one aspect of the situation. Separate from the big picture. Begin with small daily purposes. Find something each day that brings a smile for a moment. This brings the glimmer of hope and helps you to begin releasing the blues.

(My book, Live Different Moments may help you take some more steps. Available at Tea Story in Upper)

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different

Noises In Your Head

Right now, what are you thinking? Yes, you are reading these words, but for some of you, dozens of thoughts are swirling around in your head even as you are reading this column. Your thoughts become more rapid and intense when you lay down at night to go to sleep. You cannot shut off your brain. Thoughts control your behavior and response to situations. Anxiety is escalated with all these ideas and perceptions that grow and spin around in your head. All these thoughts can be exhausting and overwhelming.

Most of these thoughts are not rational but are created out of fear and worry. Logically, you know that nothing good comes from worry, but your thoughts are chaotic without focus or understanding. Worry divides the mind. It splits your thoughts between today and the future, so it becomes difficult to live fully in the present moment and not be controlled by your intruding thoughts.

Thoughts. Your brain was created to think, process, and evaluate these thoughts, but sometimes the brain gets stuck and ruminates on certain thoughts. You feel like your thoughts are on a merry-go-round and you dwell on these repetitive ideas. You can get lost in a thought and go down a path that is negative and destructive. Your thoughts create worry, anxiety, and fear without cause or reason. Anxiety is created as you attempt to control each thought.

Thought blocking or capturing the thought is the goal. One way is to begin a random thought journal and write down these fragments that are controlling your head. When you name them and make them real, you become aware of where your mind goes and what you are worrying about. Then ask yourself, “Can I do anything about the situation? Does worry help?” Begin to use self-talk/God talk to release the thought. Then when the thought comes to your mind again, remind yourself you have released the thought, and it no longer has control over you. You just captured the thought and its control. You have put a boundary and are not letting the thought live rent free in your head space anymore.

Ask yourself, “Does the thought contradict my values, principles, or faith?” If it does, speak against the thought. Say no to having the thought even in your head. Capture it and put a roadblock in your head so that you are not traveling down that road again. Then focus on what is around you. Use your coping skills to change your focus and thought pattern. Think of good things in front of you. Pray and give it to God. Change directions in your head to the truth and what is good.

When your brain will not slow down all these thoughts, try focusing on something in front of you. Complete a task, begin singing a praise song, recite a scripture, breathe in and out slowly, go outside and look up, change your environment and focus. Do not give the negative thoughts power. Begin to focus on what is good and positive and not allow the negativity to deplete your energy and joy.

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different

Are you trying to please everybody?

Do you have difficulty saying no? Do you try to make everyone happy but end up unhappy yourself? Is your worth found in what others think of you? Are you overwhelmed, exhausted, and feeling like everything you do is not enough? You want everyone to get along and feel it is your responsibility. If there is conflict, you feel it is your fault because you should have made the situation better. If your answer is yes to these questions, you might be a people pleaser.

While there is nothing wrong in wanting others to be happy and enjoy life, it is not your responsibility to provide happiness for everyone. Each person is accountable for their own lives and how they choose to live them. You have value and worth as a person. You were created in the image of Our Creator which makes you valuable. It is loving who you are and not basing your worth on the validation of others.

Say yes to the things you want and need to do. Say no to what you don’t want but others want you to do because it is not your responsibility. Recognize your role and responsibility in each situation and with each encounter. Literally ask yourself, “Is this my responsibility?” Take the time to ponder this question and not just assume because someone asks or you see the need, that it is your purpose. Ask yourself in each relationship, “What is my role?” Sometimes, you are the listener – the one others vent and share with, but you are not the one to provide ways to fix or help. Other times, your role is the encourager, and the one to ask questions to help another figure out the situation. Sometimes it is your responsibility.

For me to understand a concept, I need to see it and create a picture in my head. So, let’s create a picture of how to overcome being a people pleaser. First, you set boundaries. That is, you decide what you do for others and how much you let them control you. When you make the choice, it is not control. Everyone lives in his/her own box. You set a boundary when you visit the box and what you do when you are in the box. For instance, you step into their box or world. You enjoy the moments with them. You decide when to step out. You do not change anything in the box. You make the choice when you are in the box what you do with them and for them. You respect who they are, and you value yourself because you give yourself permission to step in and step out. You are not responsible for the person’s box or life.

As you acknowledge your value and worth, you choose when to care for the needs of others. This is sacrificial love and kindness at work in your life. You put the needs of others first not because your value and worth comes from them. You care about others because of your own values and principles and faith.

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different

Respond to Conflict with Time, Space, Grace

We live in a reactive society where disagreements create separation of family and established friendships. We respond with hostility and words of anger and negativity. Immediately we become defensive and retaliate against the person who has a different view or opinion. We are impulsive and make a quick decision based on our current emotion. A tense situation has been created. We are uncomfortable, and we choose a fight or flight mode. That is, we explode or run away.

What I just described has become normal life for many of you in a variety of relationships and situations. Normal does not make it healthy. Some of your relationships may have become more tense, strained, and you fear they could become explosive. Your desire may be to find a healthy balance and acceptance in your interactions. Let’s try the “Time – Space – Grace” way of dealing with conflicts in relationships.

First, Time. Give yourself time to cool down, reflect on what happened, and determine what you really want and need. Give yourself time to heal from the wound you experienced in the encounter. Give the other person(s) time to slow down and hopefully give thought to their actions. In your time, pray and use self-talk to work through your feelings and why this situation affected you so deeply.

Give Space. Sometimes trying to fix the situation immediately is not the healthiest way because it does not deal with the real issues that caused the situation. You need space away from the emotions to process what was going on inside of you, and to ask yourself does the incident really make a difference in your life? What seemed so vital and important no longer is when you give yourself some space. Space gives you a different perspective. Listen to your heart.

Give Grace. Forgiveness usually does not come immediately in situations that hurt deeply. It takes time. Forgiveness comes from the heart not just a quick “I’m sorry.” Because you are forgiven, you can forgive others. Faith assures you that God forgives and does not hold anything against you. Forgiveness does not make what happened right, it just releases you from the control of the person and situation. Forgiveness gives you the power to not live in the past, not live in guilt, and release the hurt. Grace allows you to let go and not hold on to hurts.

So, life happens. You are hurt by the actions or words of another person. Step away. Give yourself time to reflect and determine the value of the relationship and your reaction. Give yourself space to heal and time away from the person to deal with the emotions that came to the surface. Then give grace to yourself and others. Forgiveness also means letting go of the hurt. Sometimes it is just accepting the person for who he/she is. It is not excusing the person’s actions, but it is not being the judge. It is not your responsibility to work through their emotions. Focus on what you need to do to be healthy and not absorb or try to fix others.

Time. Space. Grace.

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different

Don't neglect caring for Yourself

As we take steps to live in this different life, the one aspect we tend to neglect is our own self-care. We face the situation and provide for the needs of others but forsake our own needs. So, today we are going to focus on steps to becoming healthier as you deal with changes and new seasons of life. Even the basics are difficult at times especially in the cold winter months.

First, get out of bed and put your feet on the floor. Today, take one step at a time. Make your bed. It allows you to complete your sleep and a task at the same time. You did something already today and made your space healthier. Great job.

Next, refresh your physical body with a shower, bath, or washing off. Brush your teeth and comb your hair. Clean off the night and make yourself fresh every morning so you can face the day. Your physical body needs fuel and hydration. Nourish your body with something healthy and simple. Keep your body hydrated with water and other healthy fluids. Hydration keeps you more focused and replenishes the fluid from your tears and waters your emotions.

Any type of physical movement is needed to keep your body functioning and releases emotions. It is not about a major exercise program, but movement of your body whether it is walking or sitting in a chair and moving whatever part of your body that can move.

The world is loud with so much chatter wanting your attention. Self-care includes quiet moments. Moments where you turn off everything around you, even your thoughts and slowly ground yourself in the One who is greater than yourself. Even if your faith is lacking or you feel you have no faith, give yourself some quiet moments to center your spiritual self. Pray.

Step outside and take a breath of fresh air no matter how hot or cold. Your lungs need outside air to refresh and renew your spirit within. While you are outside, look up. Look at the sky, the trees, the birds. You need to see something that is not made with human hands. When you get low enough in life, you have to look up. Looking up can bring a sense of peace and quiet within your soul.

Interact with a living creature. This could be another person, a pet, nature, or even a house plant. Take a moment to embrace connecting with something outside of yourself. While this may seem counterproductive in self-care, it is a reminder you have value and worth and the ability to connect.

Give yourself permission. Yes, permission to cry, be sad, laugh, do something, do nothing for moments. Self-care is admitting how you feel and allowing yourself to feel that way for a period of time. It is telling yourself, “I’m going to feel sorry for myself for 15 minutes and allow those feelings to be expressed.” Then release them and move forward. When you give yourself permission, you do not live in guilt for feeling a certain way or for not doing anything. You feel it, enjoy the down time, and then move forward. You have worth and appreciate who you are.

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different

Find Ways to Deal with Emotions

“She made me so…. I can’t even name how she made me feel.” Have you ever felt this way? You have emotions that you cannot even name that others trigger within you. Awareness of how you feel emotionally is essential in developing coping skills for life. You cannot release what you do not name. When you suppress your emotions, they come out in other ways and many times make you physically ill.

One technique in learning to name emotions is to use this easy to remember rhyming phrase - “mad, sad, glad.” Most of your emotions will fit within these three categories, for example - Mad – angry, frustrated, irritated, negativity. Sad – grief, depression, loneliness. Glad – joy, happiness, positive feelings. This is also a great dinner table discussion with family and friends. “So today, what made you mad, sad, glad?” It is a tool to help children and people of all ages name their feelings and then learn healthy ways to express the emotions and release them.

Feelings and emotions are natural and neutral. You were created with an abundance of them. They give you an awareness of how you react to a situation, event, or person. It is healthy to be aware of these feelings and name them. There is nothing wrong with having them, it is what you do with them that defines who you are. You can choose your behavior by either allowing the emotions to be in control or finding healthy ways to release them.

Let’s use anger as an example. Nobody can make you angry. While their actions or behaviors stir up within anger, you have a choice how you deal with this emotion. When you allow anger and unforgiveness to be in control, it is like allowing someone else to take up residence in your head. That person is controlling you and every time you see them or think of them, the emotions are raw and intense. You hurt yourself while they usually have no idea they have so much control. Anger needs to be released physically, because it is so consuming that you feel it throughout your body. An anger coping skill usually involves some type of movement – running, jumping, punching a bag or pillow, dancing, or some other high energy movement to release the feelings. Forgiving the other person does not make what they did right, but it releases their control over you.

Be proactive in your emotions and feelings. Name them. Writing them down in a journal is also helpful. Pray about how you feel. Develop healthy ways to release them and not stuff them down. Talk with a trusted friend or counselor. Ask yourself, “Why do I feel this way?” “What triggered the emotion?” Name the emotion. Accept that you feel this way. Pray. Release the emotion so it is not in control and boils over into other situations. Do not let the emotions pile up and then explode. Separate the emotions and events and deal with them individually.

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different

Coping Skills Help Live Differently

“We’ve always done it that way,” spoken by most of you who do not want life to change. I have heard it in families, especially in Churches, and even in groups here in Upper. Yes, even here. Many of you reading this have said it not just with life changes but in how you deal with stress, anxiety, and worry. “I’ve always been a worrier.” “I’ve always escaped by watching TV or playing on my phone.” You say, “It relaxes me.” Well, does it really or is it just your rut, default or way to escape the reality of life?

There is a difference between coping skills and escaping. Coping skills are healthy tools you use to deal with the stressful situations of life to lower your anxiety, worry and fear. In escaping, we never deal with the cause of the situation, and we tend to stuff it down inside and not find ways of dealing with life. It is like putting food on top of your stress to hold it down within you.

One step to help you live differently is to develop healthy coping strategies to deal with what life gives you. It is creating ways that you do not absorb it or stuff it down, but still function through the elevated stress. In another column, we will deal with the causes of the worry and anxiety, but first we need to function in daily life.

So, you begin to worry, and your anxiety and stress becomes intense and you panic, what do you do? One coping skill is deep breathing. Begin focusing on slowing down your breathing and taking deep breaths and releasing them. It is changing your focus from the worry to your breathing. Then focus on what is around you. Use your senses – what do you see, hear, feel, smell, touch, taste? This slows down your thoughts and keeps you in the present and not the worry about what might happen.

Disconnect from technology and rest your thoughts instead of escaping into the media. Move your body – take a walk or sit in a chair and move your arms or legs. Movement helps to release the stress and tension. I have a rebounder – a small trampoline and bounce on it as a way to release. Use your creativity – paint, draw, crafts, puzzles. When you become productive in a creative way, the results have purpose instead of mindless TV. Music – play an instrument, sing, listen to music. Music touches your inner spirit and soul. Pray. Connect to your faith and release what you cannot control.

Change is hard. You need to do something different. Anxiety and worry have become the familiar way of life and escaping seems easier, but you are avoiding life when you escape. Let’s try one step at a time. The next time you feel anxious or worry (which for some of you just reading this makes you anxious), take a deep breath, pray, slow yourself down, put down the ice cream and chocolates, take a walk, play with your dog, listen to your favorite song, and see what happens.

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different

Introduction To Living In The Different

Do you remember the Hallmark movie where the writer moves back to her hometown, falls in love, and writes a New York bestseller novel? Well, that is not the news here. How about the writer moves back to her hometown and writes a column for the local newspaper? Yep, that’s what is happening right here. I grew up on a farm in Wyandot County and graduated from Upper Sandusky High School. If you are from Upper, you are already asking yourself, “Who are her parents?" My parents are Richard and Dorothy Clinger. My siblings and extended family live all around the county. Yes, I am related to about half of the county.

I’m a writer and a counselor grounded in my faith and foundation. If you want my bio, you can google me or go to my website – www.livinginthedifferent.com. I am here not to talk about myself, but to share life stories that will be a guide to living into the life you now have. Your life is different from what it was whether from aging, loss of loved ones, challenges, seasons, transitions, illnesses, or changes. Different is not always bad, it is just different. So how do you live not just exist? How do you live fully and abundantly without fear, worry, and anxiety leading the way? Well, that’s our focus for this year.

Let’s start with a few words that prevent us from living with joy and fulfillment. Anxiety. It is the fear of what may happen and is filled with worry and being overwhelmed. I’m seeing some head nodding as you read these words. You are just a worrier by nature, right? Worry is the belief that nobody is in control, and you need to be. You anticipate what could go wrong and fear you will not be able to handle it. You worry about everything and worry if you are not worrying.

As 2025 begins, what if we lived differently than we did in 2024 regarding worry and anxiety? First, not everything is your responsibility. Ask yourself, what is my role in each situation? Next step, focus on the present moment not what could happen in the future. Start living in today. It may not be what you expected or wanted, but it is all you have. Worry and anxiety are not going to change your present moment except make you more negative and unable to function. It is accepting that this is what you have in front of you. Look around you and find a good moment or make the moment good. You say, “There is nothing good.” Then change your focus. Yes, there is bad all around us in our broken and fallen world, but there is good if we look for it. A smile. A sunrise. A squirrel running up and down the tree chasing another squirrel. Good is all around us, if we just look for it.

Anxiety and worry are fed by the noises of this world. Are you distracted by the negativity and busyness of daily tasks? Let’s slow down our thoughts and begin this year listening to the gentle whisper of our souls and begin the search with me for peace, hope, and purpose. Hope you will take this weekly journey with me and begin living in the different!