Are you trying to please everybody?

Do you have difficulty saying no? Do you try to make everyone happy but end up unhappy yourself? Is your worth found in what others think of you? Are you overwhelmed, exhausted, and feeling like everything you do is not enough? You want everyone to get along and feel it is your responsibility. If there is conflict, you feel it is your fault because you should have made the situation better. If your answer is yes to these questions, you might be a people pleaser.

While there is nothing wrong in wanting others to be happy and enjoy life, it is not your responsibility to provide happiness for everyone. Each person is accountable for their own lives and how they choose to live them. You have value and worth as a person. You were created in the image of Our Creator which makes you valuable. It is loving who you are and not basing your worth on the validation of others.

Say yes to the things you want and need to do. Say no to what you don’t want but others want you to do because it is not your responsibility. Recognize your role and responsibility in each situation and with each encounter. Literally ask yourself, “Is this my responsibility?” Take the time to ponder this question and not just assume because someone asks or you see the need, that it is your purpose. Ask yourself in each relationship, “What is my role?” Sometimes, you are the listener – the one others vent and share with, but you are not the one to provide ways to fix or help. Other times, your role is the encourager, and the one to ask questions to help another figure out the situation. Sometimes it is your responsibility.

For me to understand a concept, I need to see it and create a picture in my head. So, let’s create a picture of how to overcome being a people pleaser. First, you set boundaries. That is, you decide what you do for others and how much you let them control you. When you make the choice, it is not control. Everyone lives in his/her own box. You set a boundary when you visit the box and what you do when you are in the box. For instance, you step into their box or world. You enjoy the moments with them. You decide when to step out. You do not change anything in the box. You make the choice when you are in the box what you do with them and for them. You respect who they are, and you value yourself because you give yourself permission to step in and step out. You are not responsible for the person’s box or life.

As you acknowledge your value and worth, you choose when to care for the needs of others. This is sacrificial love and kindness at work in your life. You put the needs of others first not because your value and worth comes from them. You care about others because of your own values and principles and faith.

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different