Dealing With Your Past

Everyone has a past. It is filled with memories, experiences, relationships, and challenges. Some of you had traumas, tragedies, and struggles that have left a mark on your life. It is not being defined by these negative events, but it is learning from these experiences and allowing them to be part of your foundation. It is bringing good out of the heartaches.

When the past is still in control of your thoughts, behaviors, and how you react to situations you cannot live fully in the present. Your view of life will be negative, and you will assume bad things will always happen to you. Your perspective is always the worst-case scenario. You go to this place in your thoughts in every situation which increases your anxiety and fear.

When you have experienced a trauma in your life, certain events may trigger memories of the trauma. You may have attempted to escape from these thoughts or pushed the emotions deep down inside of you. The goal is to bring healing and release the negative control of the past. It is not denying it happened but defusing the triggers and the control.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and traumas take time to process through and bring healing and hope. It is helpful to work through these experiences with a trained professional counselor. You can develop some helpful tools to begin processing through your own past. It is learning to replace the negative thoughts with a good memory. For example, if you have lost a loved one, it is focusing not on how they died, but on how they lived. When you remember the events surrounding the death and focus on the loss and hurt, you stay in the pain of the past. While you will always miss them, it is replacing the death thoughts with happy memories and the difference they made in your life. Their love and legacy continue with you in the present and future.

The past does not need to control you. Everyone makes mistakes. You may have guilt and shame because of the choices and decisions you made in your past. Learn to forgive yourself. You are not the same person. You are forgiven and do not need to keep living in the choices you made. Learn from the mistakes and challenges, and try not repeat them. It is also forgiving those who caused the trauma, hurt, and pain of your past. Forgiving them does not make what they did right, but it releases their control over your past and present life.

The past is not all traumas and struggles and pain. The past has good memories and experiences. You remember the relationships and hopefully they bring a smile to your heart. The past is your foundation that has given you your values, morals, and faith. It is allowing the past to be your groundwork into the present.

The past is behind you. It helped you become who you are today. Do not allow the negatives of the past to keep you buried in the struggles. Release the past. It is complete. The good is within you. The love and relationships remain in your heart.

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different