Are You Proactive or Reactive?

Something happens and you react. Someone makes you mad, and you quickly respond to them with words that you now regret. You reacted in anger without thinking. Someone pulled out in front of you on the highway and your blood pressure goes up and you say some not so pleasant words. You allowed another person’s actions to control your emotions. You reacted in haste.

To react is to usually respond negatively to something that triggered an emotion. You felt attacked and you became defensive. It may even cause you to panic or raise your level of anxiety. It may affect you physically causing a heaviness on your chest, nausea in your stomach, or difficulty breathing. Your body reacts to the emotional triggers. Your thoughts then go down the negative path that all of life is terrible and everyone is against you. This is your default reaction.

When you are reactive in life situations without thought or plan, you are always in a heightened state of fear, panic, or anxiety. You are just waiting for the next thing to go wrong or for someone to do something that will hurt you. When something happens around you, you take it personally, and you react negatively. Everything is going wrong, and you feel all of life is frustrating and overwhelming. Your reaction is filled with doom and gloom.

How about being proactive with your emotions and thoughts? It is creating a consistent way of dealing with life and the situations that will invariably occur instead of just responding and reacting in the moment without thinking. A simple plan is to learn to step back in each situation. Pause in your head. Slow down and put thought into the situation and in your words. Take a deep breath. Pray. Assess if you actually need to respond. Would a response make the situation better or worse? Does it really matter if you respond? For instance, when someone pulls out in front of you, slow down and pray for them and what is going on in their life. Does it matter if you are three seconds later? You will be healthier and not take your anger out on the next person.

When you are proactive, you stop yourself from saying words that do not reflect who you really are. You carelessly speak in anger or become defensive when you are reactive. In being proactive, you are prepared to say to someone who irritated you or triggered emotions, “Let me think about what you said, and I will get back with you.” You give yourself time and permission to reflect and not react.

Proactive is also reminding yourself you do not need to control each situation or person. You are only in control of your own emotions and responses. It is also being kind. It is responding on social media in kindness. Think before you type a response. You do not need to share your opinion on everything. Sometimes not saying anything is your best response. What if you were proactive in your social media and decided to post only encouraging and kind words? Be kind. It is the best proactive response.

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different