Navigating The Unknown

“You have hard these things; look at them all.  Will you not admit them?  From now on I will tell you of new things, of hidden things unknown to you.”   Isaiah 48:6

I visited the National Cemetery in Culpeper, Virginia.  The white grave markers lined the rolling hillside.  One section had 912 numbered markers of unknown soldiers killed in the Civil War.  A hushed silence filled the air as I walked among the markers.  No names were on the stones – just numbers.  These soldiers were unknown to the world as they were buried but known to God.  They each had a name and a family, but at death, no earthly marker designated their existence.  Their remains were given the respect of burial, but their legacy was not recorded.

I then attended a wedding where I did not know the bride or groom.  I knew only three people at the ceremony initially.  I had to navigate the unknown and figure out relationships and how to interact in this different space.  My personality is just to talk to people and ask questions about them.  They begin to share, and I begin to learn about new people.  I am comfortable meeting new people and adapting to most social situations.  This has developed over time and experience. 

Navigating the unknown of life after a death is a difficult step on the journey of grief.  The life we have known is gone, and we feel different.  We feel like the world does not know who we are now.  We are expected to continue living the life we have been living before our lives were turned upside down.  It is impossible to find security and safety on this path anymore.  The one who helped us navigate is no longer here.  We have to walk alone.  We fear messing it up or choosing the wrong path.

As I have discovered on my own journey, navigating family and familiar relationships is now different.  We begin certain relationships because of our loved one and now when our loved one is not present and at the center of these relationships, we wonder how the connection will continue.  For some, we decide if the season of togetherness is complete. They were part of our past and were more connected to our loved one. For others, we need to make the connection about ourselves, not our loved one.  We need to develop our own relationship.  We get to choose how and if we continue to be involved in these relationships.

In the case of in-laws, we may ask, “Am I still part of the family?”  You may experience the letting go because you are not “blood” related.  This is when you take God’s hand and release them.  You give thanks for the season of life and move forward with other relationships.  You will grieve this change and then need to navigate through the emotions of another loss.  For others, they will still regard you as family, but you will feel different without your loved one present amid this relationship.  It is the unknown again.  So you focus on each event and make the choice whether to be involved or not.  You take one step at a time into the present and future and determine which relationships are healthy for you.  Remember, your life has dramatically changed in the dailyness of life while their lives are affected but not on a daily basis.  You need to choose who is healthy for you, and who enhances your life.

I have learned my relationship with God has changed too.  I rely even more on God for all the unknowns.  God is my safety and security and my guide who helps to navigate through this different life.  God assures me that He will always be with me.  I have a choice who I allow in my heart and life.  I have a choice to close relationships and recognize they were part of my life for a season.  I get to choose when and with whom I interact and share life.  Sometimes, I have to navigate these unknown areas of relationships and life, but I know God will be my guide and my security.  Even if I do not know, God does. I trust Him.