Discombobulated Life

“Peace, I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”  John 14:27

I recently talked with a widow who described her current emotion as agitation.  I consulted the dictionary for a definition and found numerous words describing what it means to be agitated - flustered, ruffled, perturbed, disturbed, unsettled, bothered, troubled, jittery, and beside oneself.  But the one word that jumped off the page to me was “discombobulated.”  Not a word we use daily, but a word that describes the confusion and agitation that comes with life situations and grief.

I have felt discombobulated on the journey not knowing which direction to go and how to take the next steps into this different life.  I have been confused by why God would bless me so much and then it be taken away.  Upset by a new path that did not go where I thought it would go.  Troubled that I was back into this lonely space again only to be rattled by a new possibility to live into a different and unexpected life.

Discombobulated is a unique word to spell and pronounce (I keep writing it so you can keep saying it).  It represents how unique and difficult this journey can be when life does not go as planned.  Even as we begin to accept that “it is what it is,” new situations occur that confuse us.  It is knowing God is working in our lives and has a plan, but we feel unsettled as we wait and attempt to figure out this new chapter.

When we are discombobulated, we are confused and unsettled.  We know life will never be the same.  The unsettling is more within us.  My soul begins to feel the depth of change, and I long for peace to reside deep within me.  We are unsettled with who we are and who we are becoming.  We may not even recognize ourselves in the mirror or how we are currently existing.  Our head knows there is more to life than just existing, but our heart struggles with letting go and releasing the past.  We become irritated at others who have the life we desire or those who constantly talk about their past as if we did not experience a deep loss too.

As I have walked into this new chapter of life, I have been flustered in how to deal with other people’s past and emotions toward loved ones.  I get perturbed and have had to accept some things will never change.  How others deal with grief and hold on to certain things can rattle you and lead to questioning yourself.  Are you being too pushy or too sensitive?  When you tell someone, it bothers you and they still do it or do not change it, I am learning to let it go and change my focus.  We are unsettled in the process of leaving the past and all that it represents.  It takes time to find the peace of the present and to live in the now and focus forward.

Jesus comes to give us peace.  The opposite of agitation and discombobulated is calmness and peace.  This is our heart’s desire to find peace and calm in this new life.  The only way I have found to do this, is to change my focus from the pain and loss to Jesus and his presence.  I cannot change the past, but I can accept and release myself to live in the present.  My focus is to glorify God and be who God created me to be.  To find every day something to be thankful for and to settle my soul in the One who is always present with me – Jesus.