Remembering Not To Forget
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“Those who hear God’s teaching and do nothing are like people who look at themselves in a mirror. They see their faces and then go away and quickly forget what they looked like.”
James 1:23-24
Recently a widow stated, “I am afraid I will forget what his touch felt like.” Pictures help us remember what our loved one looked like. Our memory in our head is a conglomeration of snap shots of our life together. We attempt to allow the memories of the illness and dying to fade and focus on our loved one alive and living with us.
When I give myself permission to remember and just stroll through the past, my thoughts dwell on moments that bring feelings of joy and contentment. While we try to live in the moments of the present, it is important that we give ourselves the luxury of the past. The past reminds us that our loved one lived and influenced our lives and who we are today. We remember not only the events and the person, but who we were when we shared life with them.
This past week, I have spent many moments remembering my mom and dad. My parents’ birthdays were one day apart in January. My sister posted several pictures of them, and I have several pictures in my home. I took out the scrapbooks and slowly took a journey into my past and remembered their love and influence in my life. I remembered the farm, the animals, the hard work, the family times, and how my parents instilled in me the love for God. I remembered with love but also with a little sadness that I could not celebrate their birthdays with them. I miss my parents. I never will forget them. They live on in this world through their children, grandchildren and all the people who knew them. The faith of my mom continues here on earth.
Remembering is good. Remembering how our loved one lived, loved, and influenced others and leaves a legacy. All of these are good memories. But with the memories also comes the sadness that we will not make any new memories with them. That we must live in this world without them physically beside us. We make decisions without their input and guidance. We need to find ways to live in the present moments.
When we live in the present moments, we fear that we are leaving our loved one behind. It does not feel right to live and find joyous moments without them. When we find happiness, a part of us feels guilty. We should be sad instead because our loved one cannot experience this moment with us. We feel confused inside. We know our loved one would want us to experience life and live in these precious moments, but we feel the guilt that we get the privilege of living and they did not.
The more we attempt to live in the present and find a life, the more it feels like we are forgetting our loved one. The physical image seems to fade at times even though we have pictures. We try to feel the touch, to remember the laugh, and to hear the voice. We may go moments longer without thinking about them, and it feels like we are forgetting them. I believe they have become such a part of our spirit and heart, that we take them with us in every moment. We no longer need to be intentional in remembering because our loved one is within us. Our loved one has a permanent place in our heart and our mind. We take them with us in all of our thoughts, experiences, and adventures of life. Their touch may allude us. Their voice and laughter may fade, but their love and spirit is always within us.
