The Consuming Cold

“In the daytime the sun took away my strength, and at night I was cold and could not sleep.”  Genesis 31:40

My dog, Annie and I walk in every type of weather.  I never have to decide if I am going to walk.  It is just what I do every day with her.  In these cold days, I am reminded of what a friend once told me - “There is no bad weather, just inappropriate dress.”  I need to “bundle up” as my dad would say – hat, scarf, mittens, layers, and walk briskly.  But some days no matter how much I layer and “bundle up,” the cold wind just goes through me, and it takes awhile to warm up.  Usually after one of these walks, I drink some hot tea and change into warm clothing.  When we had a wood burning stove, I would stand next to it until the heat penetrated to my bones.

In the winter cold, the night air is crisp, and the stars and moon seem brighter.  The coldness brings out beauty in the sky and the grass glistens from the frost.  But the cold also brings ice on the windshields that need to be scraped, and ice on the walkways that make walking more challenging. 

Grief has a coldness that chills us to the core of our being.  When our loved one is gone, we feel the cold emptiness deep within us.  It is like winter last forever in our hearts.  Casey Lee Williams wrote a song entitled “Cold” which speaks to this hurt within us – 

Now it’s cold without you here

It’s like winter lasts all year

But your star is still in the sky

So I won’t say goodbye

I don’t have to say goodbye 

The light you gave to guide me

Will never fade away

But moving forward never felt

As hard as today.

Before we can focus on the hope in these words, we need to feel the deep cold of the emptiness without the one we have loved.  Our hearts turn cold after a loss.  We fear letting anyone into our hearts out of being hurt and going through this difficult pain again.  Our hearts become stone cold, and we wall up our feelings and emotions because we just do not want to feel the pain of reality.  The reality of moving forward without our loved one seems impossible.  We fear we will forget them if we attempt to live in the moments of life.  The light of their life and love never leaves us.  We do not see them outwardly and physically, but their light shines in our hearts.  We see life now through their love in our hearts. 

In the coldness of winter, sometimes it seems hard to remember the warmth of the summer sun.  The warmth will come again.  The cold will not last forever.  The consuming cold will not last forever, but we will cycle through it just like we cycle through the seasons of the calendar year.  We do not say goodbye to the cold forever, but we will see you again next winter.  Just like we do not say goodbye forever to our loved one, we will see them again in Heaven.  That is the hope we cling to in the cold winters of our grief.

Today may be hard for you.  You may feel the coldness of the weather that penetrates your heart and soul.  Allow yourself to feel the cold, but also know the warmth of God’s love is waiting to surround you. Recognize the moments of consuming cold and difficulty.  Also, recognize the moments of light and warmth that guide and direct our path.  Light is present even in the cold.  It reminds us this will not last forever.  God will shine his light of love and peace into the coldness of our souls.