Pain to Memories

“Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”  Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)

Recently I watched Disney’s remake of “Cinderella.”  In this version, before Cinderella’s mother dies, she talks to her daughter and tells her two things to remember – “Have courage and be kind.”  Cinderella promises her mother she will.  After her mother dies, Cinderella and her father are in a meadow together running and playing together and the words spoken are – “we are turning our pain into memories.”

In our grief, we feel the deep pain of loss.  We cannot imagine going on with life and the hole in our lives is impossible to fill again.  Pain is central in grief.  We feel the emotional pain of losing our main person with whom we shared life, our thoughts, our adventures, and just daily life.  When we awake, for a moment life feels good, but then we remember our loved one is no longer physically present, and we feel the heartache.  As time goes on, the intensity of the pain lessens, and we begin to focus more on the memories and our time together.  Oh, the pain is still there and the hole in our life never heals, but the memories bring a smile and a thankfulness that our loved one lived.  Memories and pain become a part of who we are.

The movie unlocked memories of my own mom.  I miss my mom and long to talk with her, but I am thankful for the memories I pull out of my heart and mind each day.  As I remember, I take a journey down memory lane and walk again with my mom.  I remember what she taught and how she lived her life.  My mom was strong and had courage, and like Cinderella’s mom was kind and instilled kindness in her children.  The legacy of my mom lives on in each of her children.  It gives us hope and courage in the face of the difficulties of life just like it did for Cinderella.

After Cinderella’s dad died, and the evil stepmother and sisters entered her world, she tried to live by her mother’s words – “Have courage and be kind.”  It was difficult to do in the face of evil.  It is difficult to live our faith in the midst of pain and grief.  Oh, we believe in God’s presence and comfort, but the emotional pain clouds our faith.  It is in these moments we go beyond feelings and trust God is with us even when we feel abandoned and alone.  We can cry out in the darkness and God still listens.

Cinderella cried out into the darkness when life turned painful, and she refused to believe in the magic that her mother told her would also be with her.  While we do not believe in magic, we are called to believe God is with us even when we are struggling.  Even when it feels like life is overwhelming and one thing after another falls apart.  Believe.  It is not our strength but God through us.  Courage and kindness come from God.  We need to believe and accept God’s Spirit that dwells within us.

Live in the moments of memories of your loved one.  Allow a memory to seep into your being and penetrate the pain.  Memories are a gift from God.  Yes, we want our loved one to be with us physically, but what we have are the memories of their life, their love, their humor, and how they made a difference in our life.  Live in the memories that they become a foundation for who you are and who you are becoming.  Believe even in the pain and grief that God is with you, holding you close.  The pain is there but so are the memories.  God is with you in the pain, and God helped create the memories.