The Advent of Grief

Then Gideon said, “Sir, if the Lord is with us, why are we having so much trouble?”  Judges 6:12

“OK, God, I know you are with me, but why is everything so difficult?  Every time I get one thing figured out, something else goes wrong.”  Have you ever said this?  I have this past week especially.  Just when I thought I was moving forward, I hit a snag in the process.  I kept reminding myself that God was with me and that it would work out.  I just needed to slow myself down, take a breath, and trust.  I was making plans but going too far out into the future.

We are making plans this season.  In the Christian calendar, Sunday was the beginning of advent.  Advent is the preparation of the arrival of Jesus among us.  We prepare for the season in a variety of ways.  We have traditions.  We have expectations.  We make plans.  Plans are just plans, but we begin to believe they are what will actually happen every time.

With the season is also the advent of grief, the coming or the arrival of all the emotions connected to the season.  It is the arrival of our grief within the coming of Jesus and the traditions of the holidays.  We may have managed our grief and sorrow through the year.  We feel we have handled the major events and survived the daily tasks most of the time. But this holiday season makes it so apparent and real that your life has drastically changed.  Life is so different than what you remember.  You were excited about the traditions of the season until you faced the reality that this year your loved one will not be enjoying them with you either for the first time or again.  You knew this was true, but for a moment the excitement of the season brought hope.  Then you put it all together, and the grief and the advent do not seem to mingle together.  The traditions happen every year, but you have never experienced them without your loved one.  Nothing stops the coming of Christmas.  Jesus will still come anew no matter how you feel, no matter the grief or sadness.  But how do I sing “Joy to the World” when no joy radiates from my soul?

The Bible proclaims that Jesus will be born, and his name will be “Immanuel” which means, “God is with us.” (Matthew 1:23)  So if God is with us, if God is with you and me, we cry out like Gideon – “If you (Lord) are with us, why are we having so much trouble?” (Judges 6:12)  We wonder why we are so sad and the pain of grief so intense if God is walking with us and giving us hope and strength.  If God is with us, why would my loved one die?  It still seems impossible and overwhelming.

I have walked this path.  It is not so much doubt as much as I cannot feel God’s presence through my own pain and heartache.  God is still in my heart, but my heart’s desire was that life would not be like it currently is.  I expected there to be troubles in life, but I expected to go through them with my husband.  I expected God to handle them and not devastate me.

Our view of God coming into the world is similar to the early Jewish view.  They believed God would send a Messiah into the world to rescue them from their earthly enemy – The Romans - and bring peace into the world around them.  Jesus came to bring peace – not in outward visible ways, but peace within the hearts of all who believe.  But even that peace is covered with the grief and changes in this chapter of life.  At times it feels more like God is punishing us instead of walking with us.  We expected God to rescue us and protect us from devastating heartache. Change seems wrong especially in a season of traditions.

Life feels quite emotional and intense right now for me and probably for you.  For me, this week of preparing to move, pack, unpack, pack for a trip, figure out all the paperwork and finances, begin a new chapter of life, write this blog, write a sermon, counsel, take care of my dog, and….  Wow!  I’m tired just typing all of it.  Yes, this is life.  These changes are not all my choices.  Sadness, loss, and consequences of choices line my path.  But out of these troubles, God is teaching me patience, building character, and giving me hope as Paul states in Romans 5:3-4.

I am trying like each of you, to allow Advent – the coming of God with us – to penetrate my grief and troubles. We are different this Advent Season.  Give yourself permission to do the traditions and all that comes with the season differently.  Allow God to come into your grief.  Expect God to come and expect to have moments of sadness and grief.  Expect things to be different and expect traditions to be the same.  You are different so you will experience them differently.  Jesus is still coming.  Jesus is still with you.