Exhausted But Thankful
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“I have not stopped giving thanks to God for you. I always remember you in my prayers,” Ephesians 1:16
Exhausted. Tired. Overwhelmed. Frustrated. Angry. Anxious. Words that may describe how you feel about life right now. You look at the calendar and dread the holiday season because of your grief and sadness and because of all the expectations the season brings. We exhaust ourselves when we live in the expectations of others and try to please people even though it is not what we desire. We have the need for acceptance and at times the approval of others becomes our motivation. We become so overwhelmed with the long list of things to do and accomplish in a brief holiday season.
It all seems important and vital to serving the needs of others and experiencing the holidays. It may even be our job or responsibility, but our body and soul are exhausted. When we glance in the mirror, all we see are tired, sad, and baggy eyes. We wonder how did we get to this point, and will it ever change? We may not see a way out of it. Our grief seems to intensify in our tiredness. We just want our loved one to make it all better and help carry the load.
The steps I am currently taking seem huge with so many setbacks, frustrations, and glitches and delays in the flow of paperwork and changes. When these feelings of frustration enter my head, I accept the feelings as real and experience them for moments. I know going down this self-pity trail will not be productive, and it will be difficult to change directions. I need to change my focus. What is God teaching me? What is my main goal? Obstacles are a part of life. It is not focusing on them but recognizing them for what they are – ways to surrender to God all these feelings and depend on Him, not my need to be in control.
As for the holidays, it is not focusing on the endless tasks but on the real meaning of the season. This week is Thanksgiving. In our grief, we may feel like skipping time with family. Last year, many of us did because of COVID. Now we have to maneuver the grief and the COVID and our feelings of just sleeping through until after New Year’s Day. Thanksgiving and Christmas are filled with traditions that rarely change. That is what makes them special. But because of grief and loss, our lives have changed. We are different. So how can I rectify the difference? It feels too exhausting to try and push through it.
Exhaustion. It is real. It is part of grief. It is part of your life as you attempt to navigate this holiday season. Let us re-focus. Let us slow down our racing anxious thoughts. Just because you have done it in the past, does not mean you need to do it now. My word to you is simplify. What is Thanksgiving really about? It is being thankful even in our sadness. Thankful for the memories, the love, the relationship and for the possibility and hope of a different life.
You are exhausted. Do not pile another burden upon yourself. The burden of expectations. You need rest. Rest. Enjoy moments of rest. Give yourself permission to rest. If others have expectations for the holidays, allow them to help. Be honest with yourself and your family and friends. Admit what you have the energy and desire to do. Ask others to help. Simplify but honor your traditions. Focus on the meaning of Thanksgiving and Christmas, not on what society has created it to be. If it is not enjoyable and meaningful, why are you doing it?
I am accepting this need to rest even when it seems contrary to what is happening around me. I cannot be my best or do my best without rest and refreshment in God’s Spirit. Today, I took a needed nap and released my need to accomplish my list. My body and soul feel refreshed. I have more focus to do a task. I am just taking one day, one task at a time. Exhaustion does not just immediately disappear, but the anxiety lowers as I give thanks to God for His abundance blessings of strength. God gives to you and me strength just for today. Live in today’s strength.
