Whispers of Grief
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“Within the large crowd there, many people were whispering to each other about Jesus.” John 7:12
It seems that everyone has a strong opinion about everything these days, and they are not afraid to make their views known. We live in a culture of opinions and if you do not agree, people reject you. Media is filled with “truths” and opinions and views of life and what is the right way to live and believe. Social media has created this intensity of views and people who are not afraid to type their hatred and quickly tell others they are wrong. All of this is overwhelming and should not be absorbed into your thoughts. We have our views and beliefs, but in moments of doubt we hear the whisper within us, “Am I right?”
Oh, those whispers. Sometimes they are murmurs or mutterings. In our grief, it feels like others are whispering behind our backs. “Oh, poor girl, she looks so sad.” “Oh, he will never be able to survive on his own.” And the whispering goes on and on. We feel a judgment in the looks of others. They make us question our decisions or lack of decision-making. “Maybe they are right,” we think. “I really cannot survive on my own. I am not strong enough.”
Then the internal whispers and mutterings become louder. “I really do not know how to live this life.” “I’m doing a terrible job making decisions.” “I really messed up.” “I have no clue who I am.” Oh, the internal whispers may even keep us up at night. They may force us to work extra hard to try to earn approval and acceptance. We want to appear “normal,” but we have no idea what normal is anymore. Nothing in life will ever be the same again. The whispers tell us that it will be impossible to figure out life again. Why bother?
All of these whispers are negative. They really are mutterings of disapproval and not living up to the expectations of others or the unrealistic expectations within us. Jesus never listened to these external whispers. He did not trust himself to the people. I believe we are listening to the wrong voice. We need to listen to the whisper of the Spirit within us. The still quiet voice of God that comes to dwell within us. This whisper calls us to be still and rest in His presence. This whisper speaks words of comfort and acceptance of our feelings and emotions. But it is so difficult to hear the whisper of God living in the screams of this world.
I find myself muttering more to myself lately. To mutter is to say something in a low and barely audible voice. A mutter is usually spoken under one’s breath and is caused from irritability or not being heard. I am irritated but accept that saying anything will just cause another to be upset or it will not make a difference or be understood if I speak out loud. It has become a way of releasing the feelings. It is my way of accepting things – “It is what it is.” But also recognizing I do not like it. Muttering keeps me from stuffing thoughts and feelings inside, but also prevents me from hurting others or being misunderstood.
As I talked with a widow this week, she spoke of feeling the stares and hearing the whispers of others around her. She felt their pity and that made her angry. She did not want pity but understanding and support. I commented to another widow about how I was seeing her strength and boldness emerge over the past months. She stated that her life is no longer based on other people’s opinions and pleasing them. Her life has been turned upside down and they do not understand. So why should she live her life pleasing people who do not give support or understand the grief journey. It is time to ignore the whispering of others. It is not that we are insensitive or disrespectful, it is that other people do not have control or power over our emotions, feelings, and life.
The external whispers of grief are usually critical of how we are dealing with our grief. The whispers make assumptions about grief that are not true. The whispers set a time frame and a linear path. The internal whispers wonder why we are not doing better and why we keep returning to the same feelings and emotions. The whispers wonder why we are not making progress. The whispers tend to condemn not comfort.
We are listening to the wrong whispers. As we quiet our souls and slow down our racing thoughts and anxiety, let us begin to listen to God whisper deep within our soul. God does not judge nor condemn us for our sadness and deep grief. God’s whisper is the sound of comfort and love. His whisper gives us permission to be wherever we are and gives us the hope that we will not stay here. We will move forward in our life with our grief. We will begin to follow God’s voice to walk the path of life with His strength not our own. Begin to change your internal whisper.
