The Darkness in the Different

“It was dark now, and Jesus had not yet come to them….Jesus said to them, “It is I. Do not be afraid.” John 6:17, 20

Darkness. We have felt the heavy weight that comes with darkness. Not just the dark of the night outside, but the darkness of our souls. We have felt the ache of loss and change that has placed a darkness over our life. Nothing seems visible and it feels like we are trying to feel our way through a cloud of hopelessness and fear. We cannot see a path nor even believe that a pathway could lead out of this uncertainty and pain that has enveloped every aspect of our life.

Sometimes we long for the darkness that comes in the evening so that we can go to bed and hopefully sleep and forget the pain and longing of our hearts. But with the darkness of night, anxiety heightens and the anxious feelings within us prevent sleep from consuming us and taking us away from the hurt and loneliness. The anxiety of the night places a cloud of dread and fear around us. This comes from change and loss of our present lives and the fear of the future.

This darkness has a veil of hopelessness all around it. We look into the future and cannot imagine ever being happy or feeling anything but this current sadness, anxiousness or hurt. The uncertainty in life brings a sense of hopelessness that it will never get better, that life will always be this way, that you will never experience the closeness and love again in your life. It is the feeling of being utterly alone. The current “stay at home” mandate has increased this feeling of being alone. The screen time or texts or even phone calls are not enough. We all need “skin” - the presence of another human being who is just with us. The hug of a family member or friend helps but in our grief even this is not enough. We long for the hug of our loved one whom we will never again hug on this earth. We long for love and the feeling of security and safety.

In the Gospel of John, Jesus had just fed the five thousand people and sent the people away. The disciples had left in a boat without Jesus. It was now dark as the disciples were crossing the lake, and Jesus had not yet come to them. A storm arose on the lake and Jesus walked on the water toward them. When they saw Jesus, the disciples were afraid. Jesus said to them, “It is I. Do not be afraid.” (John 6:20)

When the darkness of life consumes us, we feel that nobody is with us not even Jesus. I believe Jesus is with us, but our emotions and feelings do not allow us to see through the darkness. Jesus knows what we are going through just as He was aware of what was happening to his disciples. Jesus allows us quiet and alone time to grieve. He knows we are not ready for His comfort and healing. We need to release the anger, the hurt, the pain, the sadness and grieve without wanting anyone to help or give us comfort. This is part of our grieving process. Nothing makes it better and even in our faith, we at times don’t want Jesus to bring comfort yet. We are human and need to be angry and alone, but Jesus is watching and waiting to come to us in our greatest need. He comes to us in unexpected ways just as He came to the disciples unexpectedly - walking on the water. Nothing is too difficult for Jesus and no situation too devastating that Jesus will not come into it and bring His words of comfort - “Do not be afraid.”

I believe the opposite of fear is peace and that is what Jesus brings to all of us if we allow Him to come and break through our darkness. Peace does not mean the absence of pain, grief or chaos. It is the abiding presence Jesus brings in our pain, sadness and turmoil of life. All we have to do is say, “Jesus” and He comes out of the darkness to bring comfort, light and eventually hope. He did not take the disciples out of the storm on the lake. Jesus just got in the boat with them and told them not to be afraid. Jesus told them, “It is I.” He wanted them to recognize that He was with them no matter what they were going through. I believe that is what Jesus wants for each of us. He may not take away the hurt and pain or the situation, but He will be with us through it. Jesus may not answer our prayers the way we want, but He still hears us and is still with us through the darkness of our lives.