Remember Not Re-create
/
“Remember the days of old, consider the years of many generations; ask your father, and he will show you; your elders, and they will tell you.” Deuteronomy 32:7
I sat with family at the dining room table that used to be in my house but now resides in my grandson’s home. As we shared our Thanksgiving meal, I remembered twenty-five years of dinners around this table. As I made my mom’s yeast rolls, I used the recipe in her handwriting and her mixing bowl. I remembered years of eating her rolls and the smell of rolls baking in the house. As I opened the scrapbook of pictures, memories flooded my mind. I remembered trips together, family events, loved ones who made a difference in my life. As I put up the Christmas tree, I remembered years of Christmas decorating in many locations, churches and with family. I remembered as I placed special ornaments on the tree who gave them to me and the memory behind each one.
To remember. God has blessed us with memory. Scriptures are full of times of remembrances. The book of Deuteronomy is a book of remembrances. It is a retelling of the history of the Israelites, the law of Moses and the faithfulness of God toward his chosen people. God wanted His people to remember that He chose them, protected them and will always be faithful and walk the path of life with them.
We remember. We remember our loved one. We remember our life with our loved one. We remember who we were with them. We also remember the loss, the pain, the grief, the loneliness. We remember with joy and with sorrow. We want to always remember and never forget the love and difference our loved one made in our lives. We want to hold on to this memory. Sometimes, we want to hold on so tightly that we want to re-create all the memories and do not want any tradition or way of doing things to change.
We try so hard to do traditions like we always did when our loved one was with us. We want the table, the food, the tree, and the holidays to be exactly the same. In our grief, we try to re-create all the memories in the hope that if we do, the grief and pain will go away. It is as if we believe if we do everything the same, our loved one will be present. We know in our heads that this is not true, but our hearts want to believe. No matter how hard we try, we will never re-create the memory because our loved one is not with us and that is all we really want. We want things to be the same and go back to the way it used to be. Life is now different. This is what we have. So we remember and honor our loved one in the memories.
As we begin the Christmas season with all the traditions, we recognize this year is different in many ways. COVID changes so much along with the loss of our loved one. Our heart’s desire is to re-create all our traditions. I have recognized that it is impossible to do. I have done life and the traditions differently each of the past five years. I have tried new adventures and new ways of decorating and experiencing the Christmas season. Different has just been different. I have spent time remembering and celebrating the past and giving thanks for the time together and all the wonderful memories. It has challenged me to focus on what is really important. I have spent more time reflecting on the true meaning of Christmas – the birth of Jesus - and less time on how society defines the season. Most of my remembrances center around relationships not gifts, decorations or even the food. My memories are of time spent with my parents just the three of us before gathering with the entire family. The memories of Christmas Eve services with church family. My time with Dave around our tree and serving communion together between Christmas Eve Services. And the memories go on and on.
I am learning to remember but not to re-create the memory. To rejoice in the memory and thank God for the gift of the relationship. To accept life is never going to be the same and I need to make new memories and new traditions. I remember with hope. I cannot re-create the traditions, but I can continue in the hope of the memory and in the promise of the season. Hope is in God and His presence who walks with us. As we begin this Christmas season, remember with love your loved one. Hope not in the traditions but in God’s presence with you through each moment of the season.
