Way of Life
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“Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but by me.” John 14:6 (RSV)
I appreciate having a place to work through my current grief in this blog. Grief as we all know is part of life. We experience grief throughout our lives in many different ways and forms. As you know, my current grief is because of the death of my companion dog, Annie.
Annie was so intertwined in my daily life and existence. My routine and schedule were woven around her and her needs. I was her caregiver, and she was my support. She gave me unconditional love. I never thought if I was going to meet her needs, I just did, and Annie never had to decide whether to love me, she just did because we were connected by our hearts. My way of life was living with Annie beside me.
Some of you understand this in a very deep and real way in your own life. Your loved one – whether spouse, companion, parent, child, or furry friend – was your way of living life. Their life and yours made up how you saw life and how you functioned. You did life together. You believed in them and no matter what happened, you could count on them to be there for you to listen, to care, to cry with and to love you. Now your way of life is gone.
Oh, you keep trying to go down the same path, to enjoy the same things, to interact with the same people and to function in the same lifestyle, but it is not the same without your special one. I have shared with you that in the grief journey, life is different, and we need to find ways to live into this different. Different is not bad, it is just different.
Annie, through her death, is teaching me to live different and to find a new way in this new chapter of my life. I have been a caregiver all my life, in ministry and family situations. The essence of me is to care for others. So, it was natural for me to care for Annie who was dependent upon me for all her basic needs. It was my way of life that I had accepted. I did not deviate from it, but I accepted the responsibility with gratefulness most of the time. Annie was a unique dog who became my trusted friend and companion through everything.
In Annie’s death, I have released the responsibility of caring for her physical needs. It has made me evaluate where God has me in life. I am not totally responsible for anyone but myself. My way of life as a minister changed as I retired from the Church. I am therefore not responsible nor accountable to any organization. I am not responsible for any building or to any administration when I moved my office to my home. My way of life changed to being more independent in my schedule and creating my own office space.
These are mainly physical changes, but there have been emotional and relationship changes to my way of life. Grief changed me into realizing the only one I need to please is God and in doing so I please myself. I get to choose who I interact with and who I visit and share a meal. It is not about doing enough; it is about being who God created me to be. What matters most is that God loves me, not if I do enough to earn His love. God’s love is given freely.
My way of life has changed. Annie and our routine together was my constant, but now my way of life has changed. I am not sure what all this live different will look like, but I do know the way. I will continue to follow the truth my life has been built upon – the truth of Jesus. I have learned on this journey; the way of Jesus keeps me grounded. His truth found in Scripture fills me when I am alone and doubtful. His life gives me hope of life eternal, and His life gives me permission to live different.
