After The Anger
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“For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime, weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5 (NIV)
Anger – a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. We are aggravated at someone or at a situation. Life did not turn out the way we expected, and we are irritated because we tried to make the right decision and life blew up around us. I talked with someone recently who said she was angry at how life had turned out, angry at how she handled the situation, and angry at friends for telling her how she should feel and what she should do.
On the journey of life, others make decisions that affect us which can provoke our anger. I have felt this anger in my life. A choice was made that you did not choose, and anger becomes the first reaction. Anger is reactive and usually focused on the one who we believe caused the hurt or the one in front of us. We become angry at God for taking our loved one. We blame someone else for the hurt, and this fuels the anger. Give yourself permission to be angry. Live in it for a moment, but as you do, you will find if you stay too long the anger will turn inward and become depression and feed the negative view of life. Your internal voice tells you everything will go wrong. Nobody cares. Everybody will hurt me. That is anger that grows within us. Feel it. Acknowledge you are angry, but do not stay there. Begin to search your soul. Anger can control you and make you miserable.
For me, I had to accept the decision of another. I had to go back to my foundation of faith and accept that I could not answer the why question, but I knew God was giving me comfort and peace in what I did not understand. As I sat in the anger, I felt God working on my heart and the anger began to change to disappointment. I was disappointed in the choice of others. I was disappointed that my life did not turn out like I had planned, expected, or hoped. I was disappointed in how I dealt with it. But I gradually accepted that I needed to experience these feelings and admit them to myself in order to heal and move forward.
Then my disappointment moved to sadness. I was sad for the decision. I was sad that he was gone. Sad that life changed. Sad that I had to start a new chapter of life. I lived in the sadness until I began to accept God was giving me a new chapter of life. I closed the chapter but kept the memories and adventures. I released the anger that was trying to control me and keep me from living. Anger makes us miserable. Disappointment and sadness keep us feeling sorry for ourselves but unable to take any steps out of the feelings.
Everyone will give you unsolicited advice on how to live and deal with the feelings and emotions caused by the situations of your life. This can increase anger and disappointment because they do not understand that all you need them to do is listen and be present by not control you or fix the situation. Your grief is your own. Nobody can tell you that it is wrong. We each deal with loss differently.
Anger is released when we come to an acceptance. We accept others for who they are and their choices. We accept that this is the life we now have. We cannot change the past, but we can live forward into the present. We accept that God will bring good out of our sadness. Life will be different, but we can find moments of joy and find a peace and contentment with the life we now are experiencing. Anger controls and causes deep hurt and pain and negativity. Releasing and accepting brings hope. We look for the good in others. We look for the peace in our own lives. We begin to look forward to life and living in the moments.
