For A Long Time
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“Jacob continued to be sad about his son for a long time. All of his sons and daughters tried to comfort him, but he could not be comforted. He said, “I will be sad about my son until the day I die.” Genesis 37:34-35
As summer begins to wind down, and we turn the calendar to September, my soul opens the door of sadness. September will be six years since my husband, Dave, went to Heaven. October will be fifteen years since my mom took the journey home. I will always remember, and the feelings of sadness seem to come closer and linger longer during this time.
“How long will these feelings last?” “Will I ever get over this grief?” “Is this how my life will always feel?” Questions we ask on this journey of grief. The answers are different for each person. The reality is that grief will be a part of our lives until the day we die. Nothing takes away the feeling of loss and grief, we just incorporate it into our lives.
When Jacob could not be comforted, he was sharing that nothing will take away the hole in his heart. His dear son will always be missed, and nobody could replace him. It is an emptiness that cannot be filled. We have other relationships in our lives that bring us joy and comfort us in some ways, but we do not relate to them in the same way we did our loved one. Each relationship of our lives is unique and blesses our lives with gifts and graces special only from them.
I am beginning the journey home to Heaven with a dear friend who has lived into his tenth century of life. As we talked about life, he reminded me that he still has life to live. He wants to live fully every moment God gives to him. He has so far. He has lived with sadness and loss his entire life. It has helped to shape him and define what is truly important in life. He will always be my friend. I will treasure our relationship for a long time. And when God calls him home to heaven, I will be sad.
Along with the sadness though come the memories. I will remember for a long time, too. I will always be sad that I cannot make new memories with Dave or my mom or my friend, but I remember their love and impact on my life. I remember daily the difference they each made in my life. As I remember them, I also begin to remember those I have loved and are in heaven with them. I have come to believe comfort is a form of peace. The world cannot give true peace nor heal the brokenness of my heart. Peace and healing only come from Jesus.
I will be sad the rest of my days on earth because those I have loved are not physically with me. But my foundation rests not in this world but in eternity where my sadness will turn to joy as I am reunited with all those I love. Death brings a reunion in Heaven. Yes, that gives us hope for the future, but we still feel the sadness and loss in our daily lives. We live in hope but we also live in sadness. Life will never be the same here on earth. It is the life we did not choose, but it is the life we have.
So how do I live in this sadness and still find meaning to my daily life? Sadness is an emotion, but there are so many other emotions that fill my heart and soul. Sadness is just one of them. I live in other emotions too. It is allowing the emotions to mingle together and create who I am now. It is living in the moments of life and trusting in the hope of the future in Heaven.
