The Heaviness of Grief and Life
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“Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
She described her grief as a heavy weight all around her. It was like having this huge bubble around her that weighed her down and was also a barrier to prevent others from entering into her grief and emotions. The heaviness is exhausting and seems too intense to carry. She also asked, “If grief is like a hole in our hearts and lives, why is a hole, an emptiness, so heavy?” If something is empty, it should weigh less, but in grief and life the opposite seems to be true.
We feel empty inside when our loved one is gone whether in death, divorce, or breakup. Every task seems overwhelming. We would prefer not living this life. Not that we are suicidal, we just do not see the purpose of life without our loved one. The clarity and hope for life that once filled us, has washed away, and created this emotional hole in our heart. Every relationship, task and interaction seem like work and tires us out.
Being tired, exhausted, and overwhelmed are all stages of our grief and even our daily lives. These are ways our emotions come out physically. We feel the weariness in our physical body and push ourselves to get out of bed and preform the basic daily tasks of life. We may fall into bed at night or even throughout the day feeling exhausted and wonder where all our energy and drive has gone. We look at a list of things to do and feel overwhelmed even to accomplish the simplest of tasks. This is the heaviness of grief.
In being overwhelmed, we may have the desire to fix life for everyone else – to make sure they are happy, healthy and have all their needs met while ignoring our own needs. We take on the world and attempt to control our environment and the relationships around us because we could not control the loss. We need to ask ourselves – “Is this really my responsibility?” While we desire the ones we love to be healthy and happy, it is not our responsibility to manage their lives. Being overwhelmed is when we take on roles and tasks that are not part of our purpose and obligation.
Jesus calls us to come to him when we are tired and weary, and He will give us rest. Oh, that sounds so good, but we do not often come to Jesus. We believe we need to handle life on our own. We may feel that we are not important enough or what we are struggling with seems insignificant to all the world’s problems for Jesus to care about us. Rest is what we really need. Not just physical rest, but emotional and spiritual rest. Our society does not value rest because when we take a vacation, we need to travel and be active and do all the attractions. We come home from “the rest” weary and tired.
I have come to realize in my journey, that rest is so important to my soul. I admit I do not rest as much as I need to, but I have begun to rest in God’s presence. When I feel overwhelmed with my “To do” list, I pause and pray – “God, keep me focused on one thing at a time. One thing completed and move to the next.” When we focus on all that needs to be done, we are overwhelmed and end up doing nothing. Pray. One thing done. Move to the next. Then rest.
Give to Jesus the burden and responsibility for life. Jesus does not take us out of the grief but helps to carry the heavy load. We just need to let him into the bubble. Admit it is impossible to walk this journey alone. Today I need physical rest. I push myself to exercise and keep active. I always have time for others who need to talk and need my assistance. Today, I need rest from taking on everyone else’s concerns, and I need to rest my soul in Jesus.
Remember, Jesus helps to carry the heaviness of life. Jesus does not always remove the burden, but when two people carry the load, it is lighter. We just need to release control even when control seems like the only thing we have grasp. Sometimes you need to set down the burden and grief and allow Jesus to carry it and give you rest. Rest is a needed stage of grief and life. Rest, my friend!
