Slowing Down
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“If we walk in the light as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another.” I John 1:7
For the past fifteen years, I have run almost every morning. It is my prayer time and quiet time with God. This year, I have run every morning four miles no matter the weather. My companion dog, Annie, has run with me for almost nine years. Over the past month, she has waited for me to go around the field instead of running each mile. Two days ago, she went two laps and ran back to the house. She was done. Yesterday, I ran one lap around the field, and she just waited for me. Today she did not run at all. Today was a sad day for me. My companion runner of nine years no longer can run. Now, we will slow down and walk together. Do I still run? I plan to run, but how will it be to run alone?
This reminded me of our grief journey. We run together with our loved one the path of life. We weather different storms and keep moving together no matter what life gives to us. It is a daily life, and we are thankful for companionship. And then a day comes when our loved one can no longer run with us. Do we keep running? Do we change paths? Do we slow down?
On our grief path, we may stay active and keep busy and not want to slow down. Sometimes we want to run away from dealing with the grief, or we are just not ready to deal with the reality of death. We need to stay busy and active out of fear if we stop, we may slide down into a despair and not be able to dig ourselves out. We may also stay busy in our work environment because it is the only place our loved one was not involved. Work becomes a place that is “normal” when everything else is different. Or we may stay busy because that is just how we process life. Activity keeps us moving and keeps our mind focused on other things. We may need the activity to give our feelings and emotions time to process.
We live in a world that values productivity and staying busy. We may feel if we slow down and rest, that it is wrong. We may feel guilt in taking time to rest and heal our souls. The world is going by us and we may feel we have to get back into the race. But is that really what we want or need to do? During COVID shut down the pace of life also slowed down. As life begins to gear up again, we wonder if we want to jump back into our old pace of life. We have had time to reflect on what is important during this time. In grief, our priorities change as well as our focus of life. The activities that used to bring us pleasure and joy are no longer fulfilling.
Slowing down may feel like giving up, but it is just contrary to the view of society. God calls us to “be still” (Psalm 46:10) and to listen to His quiet whisper (I Kings 19:12). We cannot hear God in the fast paced, busy world. It is being willing to be quiet and still and face the feelings and emotions of our life, and allow God to be present in the pain, heartache, and loneliness. God walked with Adam and Eve in the garden, and God desires to walk with us. Sometimes we run ahead believing we can handle it or if we keep busy, we can run away from the feelings. Eventually grief catches up with us.
I find myself slowing down in my ministry and work and spending more time in the quiet moments of life. I sit and watch the sunset most evenings. I sit in the presence of God and just be quiet more instead of filling the time with words. Now, I am reflecting about my running. I have noticed my hip and knee hurts more. Maybe it is time to consider a different form of exercise and prayer time. In our grief, we need to slow down and re-assess what we used to do and see if it is what we want to continue to do in this different life. Slowing down and being still is the only way to go in a different direction and to reflect on what is around us.
