Living Consistently

“Always be joyful.  Pray continually, and give thanks whatever happens.  This is what God wants for you in Christ Jesus.”    1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Who am I now?  This is the main question as we journey further down the path of grief.  Your life has dramatically changed, and you are different because of this loss.  At times, we get upset with ourselves thinking we should be “better” by now or further down this path and not feel the pain and hurt anymore.  Give yourself some grace.  You have experienced the greatest loss of your life – your companion, your friend, your future, your focus, and who you were with this person.  It takes time to figure out yourself again.  You may have lived for the other person, always putting your loved one first over your own needs.  Now it is just you.

So where do you begin?  I believe you need to find your foundation.  What have you built your life upon?  It is having a secure and sure foundation.  To be secure is to place your trust in what is unchanging.  Your life has completely changed, and you feel so unstable and unsure when it comes to making decisions for your life and future.  When we try to walk this journey of grief and life alone, we fall apart quickly.  On my grief journey, I have come to depend even more on my faith and commitment to God.  I am dependent on God for each moment.  This dependency has led to being in communication with God throughout each day.  It is having a conversation and sharing my need. 

When nothing in life is “normal” ever again, we need to find some consistency in who we are and create a different life.  Consistency is not the same as a routine.  Routine is good and helps us get out of bed and function in daily life.  Consistency is deeper.  It is having a constant in your life.  My constant is Jesus.  Through my grief, I have grown closer to Jesus.  Holding Jesus’ hand when feeling so alone and lost. Talking with God throughout the day because nobody is near and finding that this conversation is healing and more fulfilling.  In our grief, our faith may seem to falter and doubt enters our mind, but it is then we recognize the constant unchanging presence of Jesus. 

As I talked with a group of widows this past week, the consistent comment was that their relationship with God has grown stronger and deeper in their grief.  Nobody could fill the void in their life left by their loved one, but God was consistently present reassuring them of His love, grace, and Holy presence.  When nothing in the world seems to matter anymore, God steps in and reminds us that He is present in this world, with our loved one in Heaven and gives us the hope of the future with Him.  But most of all, God reminds us that in this changing world, He never changes.

God calls us to life.  We are called to choose to live the life we did not choose.  We did not choose the loss of our loved one.  Life happened and now we have this huge hole in our hearts and lives.  We were not consulted about the timing of this tragedy and now this chaotic and mess of a life is what we have.  We have a choice.  We can fight against the wave of grief or we can ride the wave and choose to live in the life we did not choose.  In choosing to live, we begin with the foundation of our faith.  In Thessalonians, Paul reminds us to be joyful which to me is to choose life.  Joy has nothing to do with happiness. Joy is an inner peace in the midst of turmoil, pain, and grief.  It is a choice to live.  Next Paul challenges us to pray continually which is to be aware of God’s presence each moment and pull closer to Jesus on this journey.  And then Paul boldly calls us to give thanks.  We are not thankful for loss, but thankful for the gift of life.  We give thanks that in choosing to live, God is consistent in His love, grace, comfort, and mercy.  Live consistently.