Where Are You Now?

Where can I go to escape your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? Psalm 139:7

Currently I am on an adventure. As I write these words, my view is the blue sky with white fluffy clouds. I feel the warm sunshine and the breeze from the ocean. I am here to re-focus, to rest, and to heal my heart. I am here to rest my soul so that God's voice is my source of strength and guidance.

My world has been changing these past six years. I am not the same person anymore. Time continues even when our preference is to slow down, stop, or even rewind the clock. Who am I Now? My ministry defines a part of me - pastor, counselor, author. My family gives me the titles of sister, aunt, cousin. In my relationships I have chosen friends and husband. I have had the titles of wife, step mom, widow, companion, and now I am not sure what title defines me. I tried an adventure and now it is being dissolved. So where am I Now?

Where are you Now? Relationships have changed you due to loss. We receive a title to describe the loss like orphan, widow, widower, childless, but where are we in life with the grief and pain?

As we search for a handle on the life we now have that we did not choose, the door opens to what is suppose to be “the happiest time of the year.” Happiness is the furtherest emotion from our hearts. We remember Christmas and the feelings of being with our loved one, and who we were with them. It was not perfect, but it was perfect for us. It was our life.

I am not the same anymore. Time has changed me. I have begun to embrace who I am becoming and as I do the calendar reveals the season which usually fills me with hope and wonder. This year I have not begun any outward preparations for the season except to set up my Nativity scene.

So where am I this Christmas? Christmas has not changed. God still loves us so much that He comes to earth as a baby to save us from our sins and give us eternal life with Him. God reminds us He is with us. God is love. Grief enters this love. God knows our sorrow and God wraps our sorrow in His love. Our special person's love is always with us. Love never ends. God's love is always with us. Who am I Now? I am a person who has love within me. So are you. That love has never changed and will never leave me.

So this Christmas, my focus is on love. Each of you have love within you. Love never changes. Christmas comes because of love. Allow the love and grief to mix. Allow God to come to you. Do not focus outward but inward where the love will always be. You never break this bond of love. God still loves you in your grief. God still comes this Christmas in the birth of Jesus. It does not depend on how you feel or how much you prepare. Just allow the locce of Jesus to seep into the pain, the hurt, and the grief. God will come and be with you. That is what Christmas is about - God with us.