Living In A Different Life

“You are my place of safety and protection. You are my God and I trust you. God will save you from deadly diseases…and under his wings you can hide.” Psalm 91:2-4

In the uncertainty of life when everything seems so different, God is our place of safety and protection. God never changes and God protects us in the storms of life. God does not take us out of the storm but stays close by our side and covers us with HIs loving presence. So many times we ask God, “Why?” “Why is this happening?” Why did he have to die?” “Why does she have to suffer?” “WHY?” Most of the time we never get an answer to the whys of life. The reason is beyond our understanding because it does not fit into our view of life. We want answers, our answers. We want to make sense out of life and figure out a neat and orderly purpose for every event and happening of life. This is not how life works. Life is different than we want or expect. Chaos and disease and struggles happen every day without a reason.

When we experience grief, our lives change and everything is different. How we view life and who are is different. In our grief, we struggle with this different and have the hope and desire for life to return to the way it used to be. We know in our heads that normal no longer exists and this is our current reality. We live at times in denial because the intensity of reality is too much to face all at once. Over time, we begin to deal with more and more of reality and then we have to find a way to live in this different life.

But then something happens that rocks us to the core of our being, and we have lost the person who was our security in uncertain times. We feel the anxiety and fear without this stability in our lives. Who do I turn to? It was not that our loved one would have solved the situation, it was just that we would have someone to share the journey with and to help us make the needed decisions in the chaos and trauma. We are currently all living in a different life with the virus pandemic. Fear, panic, and anxiety are at an all time high in our country and world. We recognize the severity of the crisis and the reality of the disease. But what about the emotional impact on your life amid the grief and loss? Whether we have lost a loved one or experiencing loss through this crisis, we are all grieving. The grief is the uncertainty of the loss of today and the fear of the future. We don’t know when this will end nor what effects it will have on us personally, on our loved ones, friends, jobs, country and more. We are grieving the unknown.

The unknown is also the different life that comes with grief. The hardest part of grief for me was figuring out who I was after my husband had died. After the loss of my parents, it was figuring out how to live life without parents - to live as an orphan. As we live this different life right now, it is figuring out who we are and spending time alone with the One who is our safety and protection. In my own grief and figuring out me, it was my alone time with God that has guided me and remained constant and sure in the uncertainty of life. Abiding and remaining close to God is our only source of strength and comfort. The world and our own lives will feel chaotic and tossed all around. God holds us close and walks with us through the storms of life. It is in these storms we figure out what is most important in life.

Life is always going to be different than we had hoped or expected. It is living in this different, not just existing. It is not allowing fear and anxiety to be in control, but trusting God. I don’t have to have all the answers to the whys, but trust in the One who is in control - God. During these different days, just reach out and take God’s hand knowing He is with you and loves you.