MIngling Love and Grief

“The greatest love a person can show is to die for his friends.”    John 15:13

“Some Broken Hearts Never Mend” is a song by Don Williams.  The chorus of the song states -

Some broken hearts never mend,

Some memories never end

Some tears will never dry

My love for you will never die.

I have come to understand that life is a journey of love and grief mingled together.  Grief is any change or loss in our lives.  We begin life with change – coming out of the warmth of the womb to encounter a cold world, therefore, our first response is to cry.  Every grief results in some form of crying whether actual tears or a deep hurt that is within us.

Each day I love the special people God has placed on my path.  Some people walk with us throughout our lives and others for a moment.  Some people penetrate our hearts with a deep and abiding love and influence our lives for the good.  When these people die and leave our physical presence, the grief and emptiness is intense and stays with us forever. This grief is the emptiness or void that is in our lives when we have lost ones we have loved so deeply.  The only way not to grieve is not to love, but what a lonely and empty life.  Our hearts are broken and never mend as the song states, but I would rather be broken than to have never loved.

I have always seen death as a natural part of the life cycle. Growing up on a farm I witnessed the cycle of life with the land, crops, and animals. Death and new life is a part of the land just as life and death is a natural part of our lives. I experienced some tragic deaths with family and friends and questioned “why” did they have to die so young or experience such trauma. Not until the death of my Grandma Clinger did I understand the mingling of love and grief. My Grandma was part of my foundation of life. I loved her deeply and my life was centered on her love and presence. When she died, I still loved her, and I grieved for her. I began to understand my love for my Grandma would never end. Her love, influence and wisdom continued in my life and the grief was mingled with the love. I missed her presence, but her love was still present in my heart.

When my dad and mom died, I recognized again the mingling of love and grief.  Mingle is to mix together.  The emptiness of not having parents was something I had never experienced.  I was now an orphan and no longer had parents to turn to for support.  I loved them and thanked God for the foundation of life and faith they gave me.  I was loving and grieving at the same time.

Then my husband of 25 years, Dave, died.  In our marriage, I had felt his deep and abiding love.  We truly loved each other and were best friends and companions on the journey of life.  And now there was a huge void in my life.  I no longer had my one special person in my life.  The hole in my life and heart was so wide and painful.  As I have journeyed down the road of grief, I have also recognized the trail is paved with love.  I grieve because I have loved.  The love will always be in my heart and has made me a more compassionate and loving person.  When we experience the loss of our inner circle, there is an emptiness but also a thanksgiving for the privilege of sharing life together. 

The grief of missing my grandma, my parents, my friends, and my husband, Dave is part of who I am, but so is the love they gave to me.  It mingles together to form a foundation of strength, character and hope.   Because I have been loved and have loved, I can love again.

As I begin this new chapter., I recognize I may go through grief again and experience loss.  I do not dwell there but focus on living in the present and enjoying life.  But I also know, because I have loved and grieved, I will again walk this journey, but it will mingle together and form more of my life.  I will never stop loving.  I will never stop grieving.  The grief is missing the person and daily presence.  The essence of who they are is in my memories and the love is in my heart.  The love and memories never die.