Go Further

“We love because God first loved us.”                                           I John 4:19

This past week I spent time in Punta Gorda, Florida with dear friends, John and Marilyn.  It was a time of writing, reflection, running, praying and some time in the sunshine.  God gave me this time to prepare for the next chapter of my life.

Reflection is a time to be still and quiet before God and allow the Holy Spirit to penetrate deep within our soul.  In this time words are not necessary because God is speaking to our hearts and we respond with “sighs too deep for words.” (Romans 8:26)  Sighing to me is a depth of closeness to God when human words seem so shallow and not worthy of the closeness of God within us.

I have had so many moments of sighing and reflection on my grief journey and in my faith journey.  These moments have been the beginning of growth leading into the next journey of my life.

Punta Gorda was one of the last trips Dave and I took before his diagnosis in 2015.  It is where I have gone in my mind when I needed a good memory to bring me out of the depth of grief.  I remember a great day on our trip where we spent the day together – just the two of us – talking, walking, eating out and relaxing together.  God blessed us with this time of refreshment and relaxation to prepare us for the next eight months of illness, decline and separation by death.  This day sustained me in my grief.  When the sadness was overwhelming, I would retreat into this day and remember and smile that God had blessed us with these good moments together.

This past week I returned to the same area and ran the path around the Harbor and hotel where Dave and I stayed.  Last year I ran this path and God spoke to me as I ran.  The path had been extended.  God revealed that Dave and I were to walk the path of life together for a while.  Because of our time together and the growth
and strength I gained in our marriage; I could continue down the extended path without Dave.

As I ran this same path on Sunday, God spoke these words to my heart and soul – “It is OK to love again.”  I felt the words come from Dave through God’s Spirit as I ran beside the hotel where we had stayed.  I can no longer give more love to Dave.  He is in the presence of God who is love.  He can no longer give more to me,
but God is and will continue to give of His love.  This was a moment of intense emotion, a release and a closure.  God was releasing me of my intense grief and giving me permission to love again.  Dave will always be a part of me, and I will continue to remember, to have moments of sadness but also rejoice.  Dave is surrounded with love in heaven – a perfect and complete love.

Sunday, as I worshipped with my friends, in the sermon God spoke two distinct words to me – “Go Further.”  As I reflected on these words, I felt God saying to me – “Don’t stop living.  Go further.  Keep moving.  You have loved and will love again.  You are on the right path I have for you.  It’s different than others but it is what I have for you.  Don’t stop.  Go further.”

And that is what I am doing.  I am going further.  I am loving again.  I am listening to God’s Spirit. 

Listen.  Love.  Go Further.