The Humbleness of Grief

“Humble yourselves before the Lord and He will exalt you.” James 4:10

Humbleness is not a characteristic that is admired in our society today.  To be humble is to be reflective, to have a spirit of deference and submission.  It is being unpretentious and not proudful.  The world views humble as being meek and lowly and suggests weakness.  I disagree with this view.

To be humble is to allow God to be in control of our lives.  It is being dependent on God for everything and to recognize our need to walk beside God in the joys and sorrows of life.

In our grief, we try to be strong and sometimes our pride gets in the way of our healing and need for help.  We think we are supposed to handle the sorrow and pain alone, and don’t know how to ask for help and support.  We put on our public face when we walk out the door, trying to be brave and strong on our own.  This can exhaust us to the point of not wanting to go out of our safe zone and we can become more reclusive which turns our grief inward.  It is difficult in the early stages of our grief to even know how we feel let alone share these feelings and emotions with others.  So when someone asks how they can be of help or support, we don’t know what we really need.  Therefore, we respond that “we are fine” and thank them for the offer.

Our pride gets in the way.  We really want someone to walk with us and to cry with and to just be present with us, but we don’t want to ask.  We don’t want to bother anyone or be a bother to anyone.  Asking for help feels like a sign of weakness and a lack of faith.  We want to appear strong and capable of working through the grief on our own.  We may not want to even cry in front of others out of fear of being pitied or even worse told you should be over this by now.

The humbleness of grief comes when we admit how we feel and what we really need.  It is when we make the call to someone and ask for them to walk beside us.  It is when we answer truthfully to someone who asks how we are doing.  Humbleness is admitting we cannot walk this journey alone.  We really need others and we need God to hold us close and to carry us through the darkness of our grief and sadness.

As I have walked this journey of grief, I have matured in my grief knowing I don’t have all the answers nor am I an expert in understanding other people’s grief.  Grief can become unhealthy when we become almost prideful saying our grief is more intense than somebody else’s grief.  We believe what we have experienced is worse than what other people go through in their lifetime.  We can have a sense of being the victim all the time and we deserve to be miserable and others should always feel sorry for us.  This is not humbleness but a strange pridefulness that we stay stuck in our grief because it has become our identity.

I recognize my journey of grief has moved me down the path of life.  I am humbled to have been able to love and be loved and to share in life with others who have strengthened me and challenged me to grow and build on my foundation of life.  I am where I am because of their love and because of my grief for them.  Grief has matured me to see life differently and to prioritize what is really important in life.

Grief has also humbled me before God knowing I was not strong enough on my own to walk this path. God has carried me, held me close, allowed me to be angry and still loved me, and I have cried in God’s arms.  I needed God and need Him everyday whether I am grieving or laughing.  Through my grief, I fell to my knees and gave God my pride and cried in my weakness that I need you, God.  God accepted the cries and has brought healing and hope into my life.

Humble yourself in your grief and God will life you up and hold you close.