Surrounded In Loneliness
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“If one falls down, the other can help him up. But it is bad for the person who is alone and falls, because no one is there to help. If two lie down together, they will be warm, but a person alone will not be warm.” Ecclesiastes 4:10-11
As I looked at each face, my heart saw their grief and pain from the journey of loss. I had walked with several of them as they opened the hurt of grief and began to face the reality of their new life. I was leading a seminar on grief and our topic was “Loneliness and Change.” As I spoke the title, I realized almost everything on the grief journey fits into these two words. Life is forever changed, and the journey reveals change after change. As we face the emotions and feel the depth of grief, it is loneliness that hurts our soul. We forever feel the loneliness of never being with our loved one and feeling the hug of our loved one. We are alone.
Being alone. Sometimes in life, we crave the rare chance to be alone and enjoy quiet. It sounds so inviting to slow down and just enjoy whatever we want to do. We long for these moments when life is hectic, and we just need to step away from those close to us. But we know we can surround ourselves again with those we love whenever we choose. They will be waiting for us. It is when our lives completely change and life is turned upside down and we are alone, that the fear of loneliness creeps into our soul.
To feel alone even when we are surrounded by people is part of the grief journey, too. We may be involved with friends and participate in the daily life of family but feel alone because our special person is no longer with us. The person who made life meaningful, who gave us hope and filled our days with love. We complete tasks, help others, work, exist in the dailyness of life but have an emptiness inside. When we are in public and around others at church or work, we put on a good face that shows we are moving forward and making it on our own. We even try to fool ourselves, but when we enter our own space, we feel the immense weight that our loved one is gone, and our heart feels the ache of being totally alone.
Our faith reminds us that God is always with us. Jesus promised his disciples that he would be with them always. God tells us that no matter where we go, He will be there, but the feelings of the intense longing for our loved ones makes us feel so utterly alone. In my grief journey, I have focused on being alone with God. God is with me even when I do not feel His presence. But some days that was not enough. I just longed to be loved by my special human. As I have journeyed down the road of grief, I have treasured these alone moments with God. When I run or when I just sit and be quiet with God, it is in these moments God hugs my heart with His love and assures me I am never alone. These moments have been times of honesty, growth, and faith.
When we are alone in our thoughts, millions of thoughts flood our mind clamoring to be heard. Our thoughts can bring depression and anxiety as we worry and fret over the past and future and feel the loss of hope and meaning in our lives. This loneliness brings despair and fear. Who am I now? Is this how life will always be? We recognize the change and know life will never be the same. When we ride this merry-go-round, we feel the intensity of being alone in relationships and even within our own family. Loneliness is the desire for life to go back to a time and place when one was surrounded with love, joy and people who gave hope and meaning to life.
In our grief, we need to recognize these feelings, allow ourselves to feel them, and in time find healthy ways to live in this different life. We build or strengthen this alone time with God where faith and dependency on God grows and matures. We begin to long for quiet time with God – to be still and quiet before God. Oh, this takes time, and it becomes what we strive for in life. Our view of life changes in grief. Surround yourself with those who understand the journey not those who deny your feelings and emotions. Being alone means you are never alone because God is with you. Step away from the world of chaos and turmoil and surround yourself with God’s alone time. Allow grief to change you.
