Rearranged Relationships

“We should give special attention to those who are in the family of believers.”  Galatians 6:10

I spent a week with my Aunt Merilyn recently.  She is the wife of my Uncle Maurice, my dad’s brother.  I grew up respecting my Uncle Maurice and being in awe of God’s calling on his life to be a missionary.  When Uncle Maurice prayed at family gatherings it felt as if he was talking to his dearest friend.  He prayed with such deep love and conviction.  One time, Uncle Maurice stayed overnight with Dave and me.  Dave went upstairs to let Uncle Maurice know breakfast was ready, and the door to his bedroom was cracked open where Dave saw Uncle Maurice on his knees praying.  This made such a powerful impact on Dave that my uncle was praying for all of us on his knees in our home.

While my relationship with my Uncle began because he was my dad’s brother, our love and admiration for one another grew beyond the initial relationship.  We were both in ministry and respected God’s call upon each of our lives.  My uncle loved people and was a humble servant who influenced my ministry.  He encouraged me and I developed my own relationship with him outside of my dad.  We will always be connected because of Jesus.

As I spent time with Aunt Merilyn, I felt connected to my Uncle Maurice through her love and memories.  But I also recognized that because of my uncle, I now had extended the family connection to Aunt Merilyn’s siblings and their families.  Our circle of family had grown because of our mutual love and respect for my Uncle Maurice.  While we all loved and missed him, his influence was evident. I was loved and accepted into the family circle of my aunt because of our mutual love for my uncle. 

My dear friend, Ruth, had “adopted” me as her granddaughter and over the years Ruth shared stories of her family with me like I knew everyone and needed to know what was going on in their lives.  When Ruth died, her sister, Nancy, and I made a deeper connection because of our mutual love for her sister.  I also have connected to Ruth’s daughter.  When Nancy died, my connection was extended to Nancy’s husband, Frank.  The bond has continued because of our love for the two sisters who began the relationship.

I have recognized these unique relationships throughout my ministry.  When we walk with people in grief, a bond of grief, loss and love is made.  Many times this relationship bond is transferred to other family and friends.  Sometimes, though, distance is created after a death.  The deceased may have been the “glue” that held together the family unit or the friendship circle.  Disconnection occurs and people move on to other relationships.  In my grief, I have experienced the separation from friendships that were my husband’s friends.  I had relationships with people because of Dave and their love and friendship with him.  I just came along as part of the husband/wife package.  In other relationships, I have formed my own friendship outside of Dave though our mutual bond is still our love and memories of Dave.

Grief rearranges relationships.  Some relationships are deepened through loss and pain.  The relationship began because of our loved one but is rearranged into our own relationship.  Other times grief separates, and distance occurs.  Not all relationships remain active and vital.  Some are for a season, but still make an impact on our lives.  As we grieve the loss of our loved one, we also grieve the loss of relationships connected to our loved one. The one relationship that lasts forever is with Jesus.  He walks with us in our grief and connects us with the family of believers, some who have been with us and others who join us on our journey.