Sometimes I Cry

“I cry out to God; I call to God, and he will hear me.”   Psalm 77:1

I cried last Sunday.  I buried the ashes of my dear companion dog, Annie.  The burial completed her physical life here on this earth.  I cried as I placed her ashes in the ground knowing it was my last earthly connection to her body.  The sadness was the feeling of emptiness that she was no longer by my side.  As I planted flowers over her grave, I smiled through my tears knowing she is just as much alive as those flowers as she runs in Heaven.  My faith gives me the assurance that God cares for His creation and welcomes each home to live with Him eternally in Heaven. 

My heart still cries when I miss the companionship of my dog, Annie. It feels like my heart is breaking because she is not beside me.  My heart hurts when I long to talk with my mom again.  My heart cries with joy when I see the faces of my nieces and nephews experiencing life.  My heart cries with the struggles of those I love.  My soul cries when those I love are hurting but do not turn to God for support and guidance.  My soul cries for my clients who are grieving and feel stuck, lonely, empty, and lost.

Crying is more than tears.  While physical tears are the cleansing of the soul, not all crying involves tears.  Crying happens within our heart and soul.  It is a sadness that life has changed, and we do not know what to do and how to navigate life.  We cry out to God wondering why and where God is in this pain and hurt.  No matter how strong or deep our faith is, we still cry.

I know I am saved through the grace of God and Jesus’ death on the cross for the forgiveness of my sins.  I know God is with me.  I know God is good, and God is faithful.  I know God loves me.  God does not take me out of the hurt and pain of this world that causes my tears.  Sometimes I mess up.  I stumble and fall and do not always do what is right.  I try to be strong on my own, but I cannot make it without the strength and power of God.  I cry over my mistakes and get frustrated with myself.  My faith teaches me that I still cry in this broken world, but God hears me.

No matter how much I believe and trust God, in loss and hurt I will still cry and be sad.  That is not a lack of faith but an expression of being human and being in relationship with others.  Jesus cried at the death of his friend, Lazarus.  Jesus sighed when the disciples did not understand.  He was tired and needed rest after the feeding of the five thousand and the death of his cousin, John the Baptist.  Jesus was fully human as well as fully God, so He understands when we just want to cry.  Jesus understands when life is frustrating, and we do not have the energy or desire to keep plodding along.  God knows when we need to stop and rest and cry.

God hears the cries of his children.  God knows life brings hurt and separation.  God loves us as we cry and He comforts us, but He does not always take it away.  We still have to go through the brokenness of this world.  We still cry because we have loved, and we have been in relationship with people who have made a difference in our lives.  When someone cares, our hearts are touched, and we sometimes cry.

Give yourself permission to cry, to shed tears of sorrow and joy, to cry within your heart.  Know God hears your cries, and He cares and understands.  Sometimes you just need to cry.

Prayer

Lord, hear the cries of my heart.  Help me, Lord, to trust that you are with me even in the depth of my sorrow and hurt.  Hold my hand.  Hear me when I cry.  Lord, catch my tears in the comfort of your mercies.  Amen.