The Mire of Disappointment
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“I will give rest and strength to those who are weak and tired.” Jeremiah 31:25
The weather forecast was for bright sunshine the next day, and I had some free time, so I planned to bike ride in the sunshine and soak up the rays. Then the day arrived, and the clouds and the possibility of rain filled the sky. I was disappointed. I decided to run errands instead and then the sun came out. I was disappointed I had not ridden my bike. I ordered seating for my new office space and was excited to complete the room, but delivery had been delayed. I was disappointed. These are minor irritations of life out of my control. I could allow them to ruin my day and outlook on life and see all of life as disappointing.
To be disappointed is to be sad or displeased because someone or something failed to fulfill your hope or expectations. Life is filled with disappointments that leave you feeling discouraged, upset, disillusioned, and discontented. When life keeps handing you these disappointments it becomes a mire. A mire is the feeling of being stuck without seeing a way out. It feels like you are stuck in the mud. You are disappointed in how your life has turned out. It is not what you planned nor expected.
When loss happens, the disappointment and discouragement become central in your thoughts, making it impossible to find hope and a belief that life is not all negative. The mire of grief is deep. You feel trapped with no possible way out. It is a situation you did not choose that you are expected to navigate without any clear guidance or roadmap.
You are sludging through but want to escape the feelings and the reality of your life. The mire keeps you going in circles. You are disappointed in yourself for not being able to hold it together and to walk through grief. You are disappointed in others who you thought would be there for you. They have gone on with their lives without considering how difficult life is for you. You feel stuck some days and other days you feel you are managing life OK. The desire to live into this different life is present but you are discouraged that you do not have it all together yet. You are still unsure of yourself, your decisions, and the next steps of living into the future.
Disappointments happen in all areas of life. I am learning to find ways to accept that God has a different plan than mine. There is a purpose in the change. Sometimes, it is that you need to allow God to be in control and surrender to His guidance. Sometimes, God wants you to rest instead of being so busy. Sometimes, you just need to recognize that it is OK not to have it all together – nobody does no matter how much someone tries to pretend.
I am also learning to not allow one disappointment to ruin the whole day. It is saying, “OK, that did not work, I will try something else or go in a different direction.” It is not putting together everything that goes wrong and living in “woe is me” mode. It is letting go and moving on. It is letting things roll off instead of absorbing them. It is finding positives even in the midst of the sorrow and disappointment. It is recognizing the loss but also looking at what is still around you and the memories and love that will always remain in your heart. It is finding things to be thankful. Not everything in life can be fixed, healed, or made perfect. Life is living in the middle of the imperfections, disappointments and finding joy and contentment.
I know the sun will shine another day, and I will ride my bike in the sunshine. I know the furniture will arrive someday. But most of all, I know God is with me in the disappointments of life and God can use them to draw me closer to Him.
