Living In Front of You
/“When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it.” Genesis 28:16
I listened to him as he shared his thoughts of the past and his fears that he was not enough for her. I heard the pain as he remembered and his heartache of her death. He was lost without her and did not know how to take steps into the life he now had. It did not even feel like a life, but it was all he had now. He was focused on the past. Then, I experienced the joy of a nine-year-old at the county fair. She was living in the moment and excited about whatever the next moment brought. She attempted the tractor pull and was eliminated in the first round. A moment of disappointment and then it was French fries! Oh, to have that childlike life.
In our grief, we exist mainly in the past especially in our thoughts and feelings. We fear forgetting our loved one even though we know that would be impossible, so we focus mainly on the past. This is an essential part of grief. We need to remember the good, the impact of our loved one on our life, and who we are because they were in our lives. We need to work through the pain and loss, and we need to forgive and let go of the regret. But when we just exist in the past and stay focused on how life used to be, we never live the life we have in front of us. We are afraid to move through grief because we fear we will forget.
This fear prevents us from integrating our past into our present. We will always remember without needing to live in the past. My friend, Sharon, told me recently that she is tired of being sad and living in the grief. She said, “I will always miss my husband. I don’t want to live life without him, but I don’t want to be sad and miserable all the time. I want to be happy and find joy in life again.” She has grieved and will always miss her husband, and his love will always be part of who she is and her foundation of life. She is choosing to live the life she has in front of her.
When I worked for Hospice, my director and friend, Mary, would say – “Be where your feet are.” This was helpful in my work and visits with patients, but also has made a significant impact on my grief journey. We may not like the life we now have, but it is what we have so we need to begin to live into it. Look what is around you, and if you do not like it begin to make changes one step at a time. The steps could be as simple as getting a new hair style to rearranging your living space to doing something with a friend. It is just beginning to turn from the sadness all the time to moments of good. It is living in those positive moments that are in front of you.
In this living in front of you, we need to awake from our grief and choose a path of living. It is recognizing that God has always been in this place even if we have not been aware of his presence. Grief just becomes a part of who we are but does not need to overshadow living in the present moment. Yes, we will have sad moments and quiet times of remembering, but we will also have moments of happiness and seeing what is in front of us. Learn about life from a nine-year-old – disappointments and sadness will happen in life, but there are always something good in front of us if we look for it. Enjoy the French fries!