Source of Nourishment
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“Then Jesus took the loaves of bread, thanked God for them, and gave them to the people who were sitting there. He did the same with the fish, giving as much as the people wanted.”
John 6:11
In our grief journey, we focus on our feelings and emotions even though we may not be able to name them, we still feel something. We feel the emptiness and loss. Our body may take in nutrition from food, but we feel starved and malnourished. We do not eat healthy but choose food to comfort us. Comfort does not come but we cling to something familiar. We may eat very little because nothing tastes good, nor do we desire food.
I have found in grief a lack of nourishment not just in the body but in the soul. Are you spiritually empty and do not realize it? When the fog and cloudiness of grief begins to lift, we focus mainly on the physical needs around us. We take care of daily tasks, the needs of family, and our work. Throughout the day, our thoughts clamor for attention and swirl all around in our heads. We feel overwhelmed and exhausted. We deal with the physical, mental, and emotional part of life and grief, but struggle with who we are spiritually on this journey.
The easiest way to deal with life is not deal with it. It is not facing the reality of life, and we remain in denial and distraction. We go through the motions of daily tasks, and then we fall into bed at night to do it all over again the next day. We may distract through electronics, food, sleep, and a host of other unhealthy ways. It is OK to stop and just exist for a while. Sometimes in this existing, we take care of the needs of everyone around us but avoid dealing with our own needs and figuring out who we are now. We are just not ready to figure out ourselves.
I believe God has more for each one of us. Pain and loss have a purpose, but it involves a risk, and it seems like hard work to face the pain. Our instinct is to run from it, but to grow spiritually we need to run toward it. God does not waste any experience of our lives, bringing good out of every bad, giving us growth and maturity in the hard aches of life. In the feeding of the five thousand, Jesus multiples the loaves and fish, and after everyone had as much as they wanted, the leftovers were picked up. God does not waste anything and uses everything to teach us and stretch us to grow spiritually.
The applause of Heaven is not that you handled life perfectly and accomplished everything right. The applause is that you kept trying and allowed your emotions to be expressed. You let Jesus into your pain and loss. You had nothing to give to him but your life and heart that was empty, and he gave to you as much as you wanted.
Do you want it? You may say, “I don’t know what I want right now?” I get it. It is difficult to focus beyond the pain and loss. It will always be a part of who you are, but you are more than the emptiness and exhaustion. Your soul needs nourishment. You need a foundation for your life. Everything in your world was turned upside down and you need a foundation to build your new life. We cannot do this alone. We are not strong enough on our own nor do we have the power to do this alone. To begin to build your new life, your need a spiritual foundation. God is a big God and can take your hurt, your anger, your doubts, and your questions. Give them all to Him. Begin by taking a step of trust. Begin by having a conversation – “Jesus, I need you.” “Father, take my hand.” It is a foundation stone. You are a child of God. God wants to nourish your soul and give you all you need. In the scripture of the feeding of the five thousand, all the people did was sit down and Jesus did the rest and fed them until they were full.
Sometimes, all we need to do is sit down and rest from the swirling thoughts, the lists of things to do, the worry and fear that overwhelms, and allows Jesus to come to us. Just sit in his presence and allow your soul to be nourished in the love of Jesus. Spiritual nourishment does not take away the loss and pain, but gives you purpose and strength to move forward in building a life. It is what you have now. Nourish your soul, my friend.
