On The Way
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“But on the way he (Jesus) had to go through the country of Samaria.” John 4:4
As I listened to the pastor preach on the woman at the well scripture in the Gospel of John, the words “But on the way” jumped off the page. Jesus was on his way to a destination. He had a purpose in his life, but to arrive to this place, Jesus had to go through the country of Samaria. In the city of Sychar, his purpose that day was to talk with the woman at the well and reveal to her who he was. Samaria was a place Jews avoided, but Jesus intentionally chose to walk through it.
We each have a purpose and a final destination in life. Our destination is eternal life with Jesus in Heaven, but the paths on earth have different terrain and obstacles. We are on the way and must go through places we would have rather avoided. Many situations and events happen we would not intentionally choose, but we encounter them on the way.
In my grief journey, I have taken so many different paths. Many that others would not have chosen. I did not choose the grief, but I have intentionally chosen ways to deal with it. I have moved five times and look forward to the next move. I am not only on a journey of grief but a journey of living locations. Nothing feels completely right and home, so I have decided to live in the adventure of different locations.
On the way, I have added new relationships and let go of others. The experiences and love I have shared will always be a part of who I am, but the people may not be physically present in my daily life. My heart remains full of memories and love from those I have loved. My view of marriage is different now. It is a companionship and friendship that has helped the loneliness and given me a travel buddy.
On the way, I begun to define and understand grief not as something you get over or something you stuff down inside of you, but something that becomes a part of you. You learn to live in grief and accept that you will always have moments of sadness, but also moments of thankfulness that your life and the life of your loved one connected and you walked the path of life together for a time. On the way, I have learned that love never ends, and love remains in my heart forever.
On the way, I like the woman at the well, have walked and talked with Jesus. I have shared the deepest part of my hurt and pain with Jesus. Jesus has sat with me and given me the refreshing living water of life. Only Jesus knows my heart and pain. While Jesus has walked with me all my life, the grief journey has brought me to a deeper level of closeness and a willingness to admit I need someone to carry the load. I have had to admit to myself, I cannot push through it or handle the intensity alone. No person can fill the hole, only Jesus understands.
On the way, I have made some decisions that were not healthy or good, but I have learned from them, and they have been a source of help to others. I have been able to guide others to not go down that path. On the way, God has placed others who are grieving and because of my journey, I have been a support and guide. I do not have the answers or know the right path for others. All I can do and all that I am doing is sharing my journey and what I have learned in my grief hoping that it will be of support to others. My life journey through grief was not what I had planned, but God put on my path the experiences that have led to who I am and given me my purpose. We are all on the way.
