More Than A Feeling
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“For we walk by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7
“I feel sad.” “I feel angry.” “I feel numb.” “I feel lonely.” “I feel irritable.” “I feel…”
Feelings. Sometimes feelings are difficult to name because they are all mixed up together. Feelings create turmoil within us, and we experience the effects of these feelings in our stomach, heart, and head. We hear, “You shouldn’t feel that way.” Nobody can tell us how to feel. Feelings are just that, feelings that are within us.
I watched feelings pour out of the eyes of my family. I saw feelings wrap around the hurt as hugs. I felt the intense sadness as they tucked her into the casket and the lid closed. I heard the emotion of the songs and my heart remembered bringing tears. The smell of the flowers brought feelings of beauty but also a sadness because of why they were there. I tasted the food at the meal and while it was good, it was also a reminder of why we had gathered.
Feelings bring memories and trigger our own feelings of walking the journey. We may try to suppress these emotions but they well up inside of us and many times begin pouring out of our eyes. We may try to be “strong” for others or not want to express these feelings with others. We may hold them inside and finally they come out at inappropriate times or ways. If we bottle up our grief, it can turn into depression or come out in moments as anger.
Feelings are emotions, sentiments, sensations, passions, and affections within us. Feelings describe our senses of touch, smell, taste, hearing, and sight. We usually associate good feelings as warm and fuzzy sensations within us. There are days feelings are all over the place. We feel very emotional, confused, uncertain, and anxious about life. Feelings themselves are neither good nor bad, it is the expression of the feelings or lack of that can lead to unhealthiness.
Naming our feelings and emotions is the first step in facing them and dealing with them. For instance – “I feel sad and lonely because my person I talk with and share life with is no longer physically present.” The hole in our heart seems overwhelming and taking any steps in life seems impossible. We “feel” like we are falling with nothing or nobody to catch us. It is admitting to ourselves how we feel. It not apologizing for feeling, but it is figuring out what we do with those feelings. Sometimes we need to admit these feelings and emotions will always be a part of who I am and that it is OK to have them. The feelings do not make you weak or less of a person. They are just who you are. It is figuring out how you live in your other relationships with these feelings and how you live in this different life.
In grief, our desire is to “feel” our loved one’s presence. What does that really mean? We want to feel them close to us and have the warm sensation of their loving presence. We may receive this gift of warmth and closeness for a moment, or we may need to just trust in faith that our loved one’s spirit is within our heart. The love never leaves, but there are moments we want to feel the love and not just trust it is there. It is the same with our relationship with God. We trust by faith that God is with us even when we do not feel His presence. We walk by faith not just by what we feel. God is present even when we cannot sense His presence. God will give us a sense of peace in the midst of the grief. Give yourself permission to feel the emotions of grief. Also, give yourself permission to not to be overwhelmed by the feelings. However you feel is how you feel. It is owning these feelings are now a part of who you are.
