Stay Longer

“I asked you to stay longer in Ephesus when I went into Macedonia so you could command some people there to stop teaching false things.”    I Timothy 1:3

As I listened to the pastor preach on this Scripture where Paul is writing to Timothy and encouraging him to stay longer in Ephesus, I heard God speak to me about what staying longer means in our grief.  God calls us to stay longer in the emotion of grief and not ignore how our lives have completely changed.  We are not to stay in denial but to begin to feel the pain, hurt and loss.  Staying in these emotions are sometimes overwhelming but are needed for healing.  As we stay longer in the grief, we begin to figure out who we are in this different life, and deal with the issues and changes caused by the death.

God calls us to remain in Him and be still.  To stay longer in His presence and allow His Spirit to comfort us in our sadness. God wants us to feel His presence and to know we are not alone even when we feel so lonely.  Staying longer in God’s presence also helps us to listen to the still small voice within us and to quiet the world.  It is waiting for God’s leading on this journey.  Stay longer in the quiet.  Stay longer in just being still.  Stay longer in the uncertainty because your thoughts and mind need time to gain focus and make decisions.

In this staying time, we hear numerous false teachings about grief.  Statements are made by even well-meaning family and friends that are not helpful or true about grief.  It is not that they are heartless and mean, it is just that they have not experienced the depth of grief that has brought you to this point in your life.  Some of those false teachings in grief include – “you will get over this.”  “You should be over this by now.”  “The pain and hurt won’t last long.”  “You will love again, and then you will be fine.”  “You won’t miss him in a few months.”  The list is endless.

Just as Paul sent Timothy to stop the false teachings about Jesus, we need to recognize the false statements of grief and not feel shame, guilt or fear and anxiety because we still are grieving.  Stay longer in your emotions so that you can face them and accept grief as a part of your life and foundation.  Grief is not bad or wrong, grief is about love.  We grieve because we have loved deeply.

I thought I was ready to take the next adventure, but God said, “Stay longer.”  God continues to slow me down and speak to my heart.  I need to remain in His presence and listen to His purpose for being here in this time and place.  When we stay, we may help someone else on the grief journey.  We may also strengthen the foundation of who we have become because of our grief and loss.  We begin to accept our feelings as part of who we are and learn positive ways of living in these feelings.

Give yourself permission to stay longer in the emotions of grief.  To give yourself time in heal from within not just in outward appearance.  Healing is about integrating the grief, pain and loss into our hearts and lives.  As we do, we become more compassionate and more aware of the grief in others and in daily life.  Grief is not just about death but about all the losses and disappointments of life.  Stay longer in the feelings and mingle the sorrow with the joy.