Outward Appearance
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“People look at the outside of a person, but the Lord looks at the heart.” I Samuel 16:7
We glance in the mirror. We showered. Our hair is washed and presentable. Our outfit in neat and clean. Our outward appearance seems normal. But nobody told us we looked pretty this morning. As we walk out the door to face the world, we appear to have it “together.” Fortunately, nobody can see our hearts. Hearts filled with pain, sadness, grief, and loneliness. We keep our emotions within us because when we release them to those who do not understand grief, we are made to feel like we should be beyond these feelings and emotions and not grieving. We are even told by friends and family that we should be over this by now and move on with our lives. So outwardly, we attempt to present that we are “fine” and that our heart is not breaking.
This is part of the grief journey. We want to present well to those around us who do not understand that grief will last forever, and you do not get over grief. You just learn to live with grief and develop a different life in it. I spoke with several widows this past week who are at different places on their grief journey. All spoke of the need to be around others who understand the heart of grief and are further along the path and can be a guide and give hope.
We tend to close off our heart in our grief to protect it from further hurt and pain. It is difficult to open the box of pain, hurt and grief or even to name all that is in it. But when we encounter others who have experienced similar heartache, we connect broken heart to broken heart. Many times this connection goes beyond words because we know they get it. Our hearts sense the pain and grief and even in these deep emotions we feel a sense of peace that we are not alone in these strange feelings.
As I talked with a friend who had lost his wife this past year, he stated that each night he prayed that God would allow him to wake up in Heaven. He is ready to go be with God and his dear wife. He said his family did not understand his feelings. As we talked, he was thankful he could talk with someone who understand the grief and loss and did not tell him not to talk about going to Heaven. Outwardly he was trying to live in this world, but inwardly his heart was already in Heaven.
We try to live in this world. We try to find peace and meaning and hope in each day, but some days getting out of bed is difficult. How are we to live without the one who gave meaning and purpose and joy to our days? We become exhausted attempting to fit back into a world that feels so different. We busy ourselves with tasks and lists and even complete some projects, therefore, those around us see that we are functioning well and moving forward with life. Looks are deceiving. Keeping busy is good at first. We do not know how to fix our broken heart so if we keep busy, we attempt to ignore the pain and heartache. This works until we get dizzy riding the merry-go-round of life and become emotionally exhausted.
God sees our pain and hurt and heartache. God calls us to stop doing for awhile and just be still and present with Him. God does not take away the heartache because it represents love, but He comforts us and gives to us His peace and presence. While I do not want to live in pain and heartache, I will choose to do so because I will always choose to love. With love comes the pain of separation and loss. But with love also comes memories that sustain, and joy and laughter of sharing life together.
Outwardly we will appear fine most of the time on the journey until we meet a fellow traveler, and we share our pain and loss. God will always know our heart – a love that will never end.
