The Loss of Identity

“Dear friends, now we are children of God, and we have not yet been shown what we will be in the future.” I John 3:2

Our world has experienced loss in the past months. The loss of jobs, the loss of celebrations, the loss of life from the virus, the loss of fellowship, the loss of vacations, and the loss of safety and security. As I have talked with people recently, I have heard an inner loss that comes from a time of reflection and quietness. This loss is about who a person is on the inside. Sometimes this loss comes from trying to become someone another person wants them to be. It is giving up dreams and a future out of fear of failure. It is allowing the world to define and control. In this control, negative views of ourselves tend to remain. We do not measure up to the standards of others. We feel we are not good enough, talented enough or we always mess things up.

In our grief, we also experience a loss of identity. We may lose the role of husband or wife when our spouse dies. We lose the role of son or daughter at the death of our parents. We lose the title of parent when our child dies. The other titles of friend, aunt, uncle, grandparent and cousin fade with the death of dear friends and family. Titles define us and give us roles in our relationships.

We not only lose our title when a loved one dies, but we also experience the loss of the role the person played in our lives. Our loved one may have been our encourager in life who gently pushed us out of our comfort zone to try new experiences. Our loved one may have boosted our confidence to grow and become all God created us to be. We lose the status our loved one gave us not just in the eyes of society but in our own view of ourselves. Our loved one’s presence gave us hope with a sense of purpose and meaning to life. We had trust and belief in the present and future knowing that no matter what happened our loved one would be with us. We may have lost the person that motivated us and challenged us to take the leap of faith or just get out of bed every day.

Now who are we in this different life we have? When we allow the world to define us, we will always come up unfulfilled and feel we will never measure up. An emptiness will emerge because the things of the world cannot bring an inner peace and fulfillment. While relationships need to enhance our lives, our identity cannot be totally wrapped up in them because people disappoint us, and people die. In our grief, we have felt the world crash around us and wonder now what? Now who am I?

Our identity is first in God. We are children of God. Jesus is our friend. The Holy Spirit fills us with his power and guides us. This is our foundation to rebuild our lives. In the lowest time of grief, I was trying to figure out who I was now and how to live the life I now had. It was then that I “climbed” into the lap of my Heavenly Father, who has always been my foundation of life and became a child again. I cried and was comforted by the only One who could give me true comfort. I cried. I wrote. My spirit connected with God’s Spirit and I felt the inpouring of hope and healing. I had a hope of a hope and knew that my identity was in Jesus, my source of hope and strength I was not traveling this road alone. There was a purpose to this road. It was not one that I wanted to travel, but it was what I had been given. The road has been difficult but through the journey I have come to realize who I am and whose I am. It is OK to be me. It is OK to be the real you. Do not let others define or change you into something you were not created to be. Find your identity again in the One who loves you the most - Jesus.